This statement is coming from a place of anger and frustration.
As usual you are correct. I have a ton of anger right now. This whole sitch just stinks and although I am trying it is very tough to step out of it.
Quote:
you are still only at the beginning of your detatchment and it takes time…
I heard this several time and really struggle with it. I wish I could just wake up from this nightmare and at a minimum just detach.
It's almost like every interaction we have causes a little more pain. I try and understand but it is tough. I need to figure out how not to even interact with her. I so need a vacation...so need one.. The hard part are the kids - hopefully in the summer I can take a few days to step away from all of this.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Try to avoid all contact for the moment. If she is in one room go to another room. It is difficult I know! Try to make plans to be out and about so that the two of you are not interacting as much as possible.
You can go dark but you have to work at it. Take your kids out for an activity over the weekend.
I agree with OP. You really need to shut this down right now. No conversations. Avoid any and all interactions. Revert to hand written notes or emails for schedules or any other critical issues.
Find projects to tackle at home. Involve your kids in those projects. I found keeping myself busy with tackling things like this helped to keep my mind off the crap and kept my body energized.
Set aside a regular time for you to get away. Call on a close friend or two to do something positive with on a regular basis.
Whatever else you do, STOP, please stop, interacting with your wife. Don't be mean and nasty towards her, don't shake your head or snarl as you walk by, just stop giving her ANYTHING for awhile. You desperately need to fill your life with some POSITIVES.
Your outlook is borderline depression it seems. You are defeated in your demeanor and this is still in the early stages. You have hope - there is always hope - but you have to significantly change your approach.
Wouldn't you say that it is clear by now that what you have been doing is NOT working?
It was Albert Einstein who said insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
When you go and do stuff with your friend, try not to have the discussion be too much about your marriage and your wife.
Besides starting a couple new hobbies, I also got my kids started in cub scouts and girl scouts. Those definitely keep me busy. And I have met some other dad's that divorced and are doing just fine.
Lots of good advice. I did things like volunteering at my children's school, coaching soccer, and hiking. Activities that were possible with the kids, included physical activity, and got me out of the house.
I spent the weekend at my friends lake house with my daughter. We had a pretty good time but I have to be honest - I do miss my wife. I tried not to think about it but I find myself wondering what she is doing. She tried to call me on Saturday - I assume to see where the boys where (they were at the mall), but I did not pick up the phone. I am trying to detach and I dread going back home but I have too. At this point I am just going to try and spend as much time as I can with my kids. This I can control everything else I cannot. I have told her that I will not file and that if she wanted to file she would need to do it.
I hope everyone had a good weekend.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
