NOT dwelling on your husband and his every move, is a start of that....
I don't do this. It must seem like I do, because I come here for help with this, but I don't dwell on it.
I know you aren't "against" me. I know that you are here to help me think and find the answers within myself, I am just stuck.
Your explanation of fear helps. I think I understand better. I will do my best to work on that within myself.
Kat - I know about soap, and I think it went down the drain a long time ago. I am beyond that. I've screwed that up already.
I'm trying to move forward, accept what D means to me (which I guess I don't fully get what that is yet for me.) I don't want to end up that bitter vindictive angry divorced b*&^(. I want to move forward with some sense of dignity. I don't want to be angry anymore. I don't want to be cold and uncommunicative---but I don't want to make THIS easy for my H.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Hi di- I think it is a fine line to walk to be detached without coming off as cold and uncommunicative. The real issue is that you have to do what is best for YOU and without a doubt, detaching is the best thing for you. As hard as it may be, for the time being you have to stop being concerned about what your H thinks of you. If he ever figures himself out, there is a good likelihood that he will also realize that you had to do whatever you could to survive. So, do what you need to do to work through the anger and then when you are in a less vunerable place, maybe you can be friendlier.
I only mentioned that analogy because you said something along the lines of holding on tightly. The best thing you can give yourself is the gift of letting go. I know that it is counter intuitive but it makes a difference. How could he help but see how better you are once you do this?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Just a quick thank you. Mach - I know I (still) have a long way to go, but I wanted to let you know that you pushed me to admit what I was afraid of, and by doing that it has helped release that fear. My mind has been clearing even more over the past few days.
This is why I come here and "whine." This is why I come here and express all of the hopeless, "pathetic" feelings that I have that I keep buried and away from the rest of the world -- I know that only people that have been there/here can understand and perhaps say something that is helpful. Occasionally advice/support helps things click or makes me think-----even though I am VERY slow. Thank you all.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
And....I've done the "detrimental" part of it too.....and hope someday to be able to release myself from that blame.....I'm learning....I'm growing....slowly.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
I'm returning to my original DB identity, and then will lock this thread. I changed my identity to TCBTE at the beginning of my being stuck --- not being able to accept the end of my marriage. I don't think I'm stuck there anymore. I can accept what happens from here. I am facing my fears, conquering what I can at this point---and know that I can get past the rest.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
I am thankful for everyone that posts/has posted to me (and will in the future). Everyone has helped in one way or the other----and I'm sure will continue to be helpful on the next step. The question about what I was afraid of, I think, is what had me REALLY stuck. I am thankful that the question was asked, when it was asked. I can only hope to be there to ask the right question at the right time for someone else.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
