I agree with OP. You really need to shut this down right now. No conversations. Avoid any and all interactions. Revert to hand written notes or emails for schedules or any other critical issues.
Find projects to tackle at home. Involve your kids in those projects. I found keeping myself busy with tackling things like this helped to keep my mind off the crap and kept my body energized.
Set aside a regular time for you to get away. Call on a close friend or two to do something positive with on a regular basis.
Whatever else you do, STOP, please stop, interacting with your wife. Don't be mean and nasty towards her, don't shake your head or snarl as you walk by, just stop giving her ANYTHING for awhile. You desperately need to fill your life with some POSITIVES.
Your outlook is borderline depression it seems. You are defeated in your demeanor and this is still in the early stages. You have hope - there is always hope - but you have to significantly change your approach.
Wouldn't you say that it is clear by now that what you have been doing is NOT working?
It was Albert Einstein who said insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
