I was doing good and detaching a little then it all blew up again! Like I told you before my h suffers from anger depression and he left me the meanest voice mail.
Our D13 was upset because he didn't go to her swim meet on Sat. He lied to her and told her he had somewhere else to be. So I got so angry for the first time in a long time and sent him a voice mail and asked him to please stop hurting her. She should come first in his life and that she was hurt. I was nice and calm when I left the message and just asked him to please stop hurting her, she doesn't deserve it. He could treat me like that but to please stop doing it to her.
His response was that he is going to tell her that he won't be at any more of her swim meets because he can't stand to be in the same room as I am in. And he also can't wait for the D to be over already. As he is saying this he was soooo cocky and mean.
Since the separation he has been off and on his meds and when he is on them he is nice and acts like himself. He has been off of them now since Nov. or Dec. I just can't believe he can be so mean, I have never seen him like this before in 14yrs.! I know he is drinking a lot! He also has been saying he is broke to everyone because of the child support that he pays and runs off and buys a brand new laptop and some fancy t.v. And me like a fool didn't turn in the co-pays for our D13 that he is suppose to pay 60% for because I believed him when he said he had to take a pay cut etc. and now it is too late I think to turn them in.
All of our friends and some of our family can't believe that he is acting like this at all. They use to say he loved me more than I loved him and he was the most kindest person. So when I got the message of course I cried and cried. I have been ignoring the comments that he makes to our D13 for over a month and not let him push my buttons so I call or text him crying or being upset and thought that I was doing a good job but I guess not.
Some of our friends are wondering because he doesn't bother with them anymore either if he is in a MLC besides the depression. Also, his grandfather passed away and instead of him calling me so I could sit down and tell the kids he tells D13 over the phone. He said he didn't want our daughter there and then I said well I would like to go for a few min. to pay my respects and he says "I don't think that would be a good idea". So I didn't go. I sent a platter and left a message for his step-mother and father saying how sorry I was for their loss.
Me and my S19 wanted to go because we all loved his grandfather but I think he didn't want any of us there because he was afraid someone might ask one of us a question about the D and he would get caught in his lies. See he talks to his real mother now after not speaking to her in 12yrs. and knows that his father would have a fit! And that is another reason I think he keeps D13 away from them now also. So she doesn't slip up or anything.
What do you think I should do from here? Could really use your advice! I know about getting healthy for myself etc. and detaching, but I'm also praying for him to get better. I really want this M saved somehow, someway!
