i've blamed my ILs for being horrible parents and raising their children to be dependent on them for life. but the children are also adults now shouldn't they be responsible for their own actions and decisions? so who is to blame here? the parents or the children (who eventually become our h or w)?
I think both sides are responsible....the parents and the adult child. In some cases with the mothers, I believe they have no other life except for their kids and they are so possessive that they won't turn them lose. I also believe there are some mothers who find it very hard to see themselves as "replaced" (as they think of it) by the DIL. Of course, no parent is replaced but there should be a new position opened for the W.....and MIL should not take that position.
I believe the adult child should be able to step away from his/her parent and be responsible for his/her own family. Once the adult child is financially indebted to the parents....then they feel obligated to them forever.
If I had not had a child as soon as I did, I probably would have walked away. I'm not telling you to do this, but I recognize a serious problem. If you have a H who is chosing his parents over you.....and they are talking him into a D and finding someone "better", then you are going to have problems for the rest of your life....or theirs. Your H is allowing them to influence him way beyond reason.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
