I still analyze what the W doing and what she is thinking or feeling. I know what I come up with may or may not be wrong. i still feel she hates me, doesn't miss me at all, and may even possibly have someone else waiting in the wings. For example, her email the other day. Was she trying to reaffirm her anger and unhappiness? Should I at least be happy that she wants to address these things?
I've also had time to analyze myself. I had thought I was the man I wanted to be, but I don't feel i am. I'm making steps to improve myself, but i find that as i improve some things, I'm also losing who i am. I'm no longer the fun loving, laughing, joking, fun to be around guy that I was. I know this all has to do with the way I'm handling things, and that's my doing.
It seems as though she no longer includes me in her life, and it still boggles my mind that she can s easily start treating me like this.
It also bothers me that she was capable of faking our last week together before i left. How much more of our marriage was faked by her? Did she even really fake that week, or is she once again just trying to hurt me?
I definitely want my W back, but not who she is now. Actually, I really don't mind the person she is now, just not the way she's acting towards me.
She's starting to act with a little more confidence and mojo, and i think it's great. That is the person I married, but she's never acted so hateful towards me.
The above could have been written by my H. These are things he says to me all the time. PROJECTIONS
It is great that you journal it here, that's what you should do....but PLEASE do not say it to your W.
You're putting words in her mouth and are assuming her thoughts. Her thoughts are really none of your business. Anybody's thoughts about you are none of your business.
Like I've said before, I have NO idea why she's wanting out, what brought her to that point. But remember and keep this in your head...she is going through her crap, too.
You don't know if she 'faked' the last week with you. It's possible for her to still care for you.
I know you have to be hurting, and if she is a good person - she's not enjoying hurting you. Her opinion and feelings are still worth valuing.
