WAH in MLC with PA

[DiamondGirl]

Thanks Mila,

I keep waffling between feeling as if we are still meant to be together somewhere down the line and feeling like I'm fooling myself...

I don't trust my instincts when it comes to him since I allowed him to dupe me for a year with lies, manipulation and subtle intimidation because I had so much belief in him..

I guess my fear is I'm allowing that belief to cloud my judgement in my decision to stand for what H and I started so long ago...

I keep trying to refocus on myself instead, but I keep circling back to the question of if I'm fooling myself again...

Maybe that's another area I need to work on.. Learning how to "read" people as I've never been good at it and had blind faith in H.. the alternative would have been to be suspicious of everything, and I didn't want to be that way either..

Rough week I guess... It's hard to keep doing this when everyone outside the sitch feels you are clinging on to something dead and gone already.. They can't understand why I would even entertain the possibility of reconciling in the future..

Marriages seem to have become disposable... and the people involved in them get thrown away too...

I believed in what H and I felt all those years ago. We may not have had the tools to deal with conflict and communication in a healthy way because of how our childhoods affected us, but the feeling of love and connection was real...