I was wondering because we DID date, and it was a roller-coaster ride all unto itself! At first it was great fun.
But then I was trying to be an exciting fun date, and I was also the custodial parent of the kids, and I was also working full-time!! The laundry was piling up, I was taking time off work to do the shopping, I was staying up late talking to H on the phone and then getting up a few hours later to start the day with the kids, not getting in to work (catching up on sleep!). I even had to listen to him complain about his W (me!) like I was the OW, and provide the emotional support!!
I got so burned out, and then he had not dealt with his own demons --- like you said!!. So he slid back into MLC and I walked out. I think that was even harder then everything else I'd been through.
They DO have to deal with their issues. I guess there has to be some sort of wake-up point or else it just goes on and on. For some it may be loosing or breaking up with OW, for some moving out and not liking it, for some heading towards sep or D. If none of that works, then they are out there for a long time. Then it just really depends on how much and for how long the LBS can stand to watch/wait or pick back up the pieces if they return.
I am pleased to hear that you are happy. That is some hope in and of itself.
I do feel like I will be happy in the future. It's just hard because I really honestly truley bought into the whole marriage and fidelity thing. Now I have to figure out how to change my whole mind-set to be able to have a different life. My head doesn't think that way.
I do believe what you say about the mask on the outside. And that he is sometimes lonely when no one is around. But not enough to come back to us, and we (me, kids, family, general picture) are indeed lovely (IMHO!!). I just think he's looking out from his super cool new digs, imagining all the cool friends and dinner parties and cute girls who will be there one day (maybe, maybe not, but that's the fantasy and for him it's possible, at least for 10-15 years still, which is a LONG time). And against that we are just a pale and boring old story. yuck.
