I'm happy for you, j. You did what you could until you couldn't do any more. The outcome may not have been the original end goal, but you seem happy with it. And I'm sure you will have no trouble when you decide it's time to step out into that crazy world of romantic relationships again.
Me: 26 Ex: 27 Son: 5
Divorced: 3/2010 Each day is another opportunity to do it right.
thanks Cautious- I'm saddened that W wouldn't go the distance, but when a 6yr R starts getting stale, if you're not ready to do the hard work, you will just jump ship again...I can't live like that...
Keep up the good work Jasper67 - Personally, I need to follow your example.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Thanks Eric- I am by no means someone to follow- I have effed up at ever turn...do I want my M...yes...but right now there is only me...does that keep me from reeling...no.
The one day I would want to relive if at all possible was 8/23/09- that was the day my M could have been saved...that was the day I failed my W and failed my M...I never thought our first fight would be our last.
But, my NUTS are in tact...there's nothing at all w/o a heartfelt apology...even then there may be nothing...
all I can do is move on, learn from my mistakes and be the man I need to be for me, and maybe I'll be able to keep a W and a healthy M
Woke up and the first thought was W laying in bed w/ OM...UGH. stomach began to churn...
I fully embrace the aspect of A's being addictive and such- that's the only reason I believe there may be a day when W wakes up...
On the other hand- W's response to me a week ago was 'it must be hard when you're still in the R'
Anyway, not really going anywhere w/ any of this...I wish W were in her fog, maybe she is, maybe not...I am seeing my fog lift, as now I look back and see many of the bad aspects of our M...and seeing W in this light w/ no remorse or guilt helps me also to see her flaws and obv lack of integrity and honor...
It was very funny to me to see W- who collects religious figures...mostly Angels...come over wearing a huge cross around her neck, while committing adultery...what is that?
I've made a ton of mistakes myself (just read my thread). The reality is that we cannot control them. They are going to do whatever they want to do. They will justify all of there actions. One day she will wake up buddy..one day...I have a funny feeling it will be just as you are about to embark on your next R - I think it is then that they realize what they had.
In terms of the religious figures...my wife told me the other day that she prays for me every day. As hard as it is to believe since she is with another, I actually do believe her. We all fall short in God eyes so who are we to judge. We can only live by our own convictions. That is all. Pray for her. Wish her well and then go find yourself a wonderful woman that will love the man that you are.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Not much to report so your catching up shouldnt take long...
Had a decent day at work, reeled all day though...UGH.
Gonna GAL tonight w/ a friend from work...watch a movie, shoot some pool. This weekend golf, clean, and beach- weather permitting.
Staying clear from the vortex physically, but mentally somewhat consumed today- possibly b/c of the first thoughts waking up.
Find myself angry for the past and various days that were pivotal for my sitch. I really need to forgive myself. Funny how M is all imprtant to the LBS and trivial to the WAS.
I cant help but to feel used and thrown out...I know what my NUTS are and I know I deserve better...sadly I remember that W deserved better too.
Whats w/ my nostalgia?!
I can remember the first day we went NC, W came back and wanted to work things out...3 days later, coming home drunk- she couldn't do it anymore...
Whatever...I cant wait to only post my GALs- I could do it now but I'd be lying as so much more goes through my mind...
ie- is W really being true to herself- am I delusional and in denial? Is W running, or is she truly done and SURE of what she wants? Is she acting on her own judgement or acting out the scenario she created w/ friends and family?
reg- her attitude of M and Love is not in line w/ my own...so there's the problem.
Anyhoo...Eric, thanks for the prayers, Mindfull, thanks for checking up on me.
GAL'd last night w/ a friend...went to the beach and spoke about my sitch...hate that I bothered them w/ it...they pretty much know everything- my whole office knows.
Put alot of stuff in perspective, feeling pretty good...
Today- clean, errands, gym, and watch the fight tonight
