His MLC and I don't know what to do anymore

[cat04]

SC—

The dating—well that was his crazy idea the first time he went through crisis. He had OW, although refused to admit it (until 8 years later), and he wanted to date. To move out and date me. Like I said I thought he was crazy. Plus, I believed there was OW no matter what he said, so I refused to do it. I asked him to leave. When the time came, he stayed. Recommitted himself to the M. Then the dating was not necessary in his mind. We were fine and didn’t need to do anything to make our M better. So we returned to this place years later.

The years in between were not horrible. Life happens and you go on. Unfortunately, my H hadn’t dealt with his issues. It has been 3 years since the first bomb of this go round. He is still in la la land and that is where he needs to stay until he can figure himself out. I don’t believe he will wake up. He moves forward and backwards and I sit on the sidelines and observe.

I live my life. I am happy. I am no longer waiting for my H or my M to be reconciled. But like we all have said, each situation is unique. It takes time for the LBS to heal and grow and see what they want their future to look like. I will always love my H, but he has to do the work so that maybe someday he can be happy too.

They appear happy on the outside. Don’t doubt that it is a mask that they wear. When no one is around, they will cry, they will remember, they will sleep all day and basically are very sad underneath. They try to make themselves appear happy because they hope that they can feel it. And they do feel it, for short periods of time. Then they sadness overwhelms them again. So they try something else to feel happy again. It is all a cycle. The more you learn about it, the easier it will be for you to understand and for you to move forward with your own life and to where ever that may take you.

Keep moving forward, understand what you are really seeing, and take your journey.