New member, same old story...WAW

[Lost_Dad]

Sandi, I may have listed her complaints here before or not, but here is the list anyway:
She thought I was a truly caring person when we first met, now she doesn't think so. Some of her examples were not getting her a cup of tea if I came home with a coffee (caring things), I stopped doing this because of her complaining about they were made or that she said she could have made one at home.
Last mothers day, she was hinting at a gift which I tried desperately to find (and I did a week later with an apology) and that lead her to crying on my buddy's shoulder (I didn't care for her) at work which I found out about months later.
Complaints that I never helped out with the kids when they were younger. She has forgotten all the evenings that I picked up and fed and bathed the kids while she was working afternoons.
Complaints about housework, yes I was a little lax there.
Complained about not loaning my car to my sister and that I didn't want her loaning her van to our neighbor at one time. My reasons were (first) my car is 28 years old and I was working on getting it to run better at the time (it's real good now!), (second) our neighbor can't back out of her garage and neither one of them (her H) take care of their cars. One time they asked me to hear a funny sound their van was making, it had no oil or engine coolant in it (they won't run for long with out).
Little things that just killed me, I'd load the dishwasher and she'd look at it and reload it because it wasn't right. I'd have dinner started and she'd push her way in and finish because I wasn't doing something right.
Looking back, I now realize my mistake. Instead of standing up to her (like a man) I backed off to the point that I shut down. After all who wants to be criticized about everything you do? I with dew into my hobbies and earlier on in our M, I think she put so much time into our kids that I did feel left out.
Our sex life was good, I was always willing to please her. The last time we were together, she said it's just sex not love any more and quit.
She feels that she gave and gave and got nothing back. I'm not that complex or a mind reader, I need to be told about things that are happening, sometimes I can't see the forest for the trees and if your S.O. is smiling and having sex with you on a regular basis, how do you know something is really wrong?
I know a lot of this is lack of communication but now that she considers her self separated from me and it can't be fixed, am I doing the right thing in not pushing the issue and waiting? Or do I give her what she wants, and upset our kids, their home and both of our finances for the rest of our lives?
What happens if she has a change of mind after all this is done, will I be able to forgive?
Too many questions...
I'm going to buy a bike and ride with my kids this weekend, my form of GAL and 180 all in one!
-Lost Dad