WAW Using God II

[pigskin]

another gross possibility is that, like one serial killer did (NO, I'm not saying she's the moral equivalent but there IS an analogy here) --he'd murder and go to confession to "wipe the slate clean" and then, oops, he'd get that itchy feeling again. And he'd kill again. Good thing he could ALWAYS count on forgiveness soooo he'd do it again.

No, based on conversations with her, I know she's not trying to just play a stack of "Get Out of Jail Free" cards.

Look, the thing is, "Sin no more" is a tough thing to live by, but it's in there. And she's using God as an excuse to "prove" to her that her gushy feelings for the adultering man, must be "good", and therefore from God...

Has she ever heard of temptation? The reason it's tempting is b/c it has APPEAL and FEELS GOOD... She's confusing it with God's word, and IF Satan were speaking to her, it would NOT be the voice that says "Go back to your family AND the vows you made in MY HOUSE"....nope, it'd be the other voice saying "Do what you think feels good....no matter who it hurts...."

At the very start of our sitch, I think this was exactly why she was so confused. She gave in to temptation, it felt more right than anything ever in her life, so she thought it was God telling her to move on. She knows now that what she did was a sin; she does not deny that at all.

Keep in mind that my wife was a very moral woman, but had just about zero exposure to any kind of religion other than tagging along with me to mass, and then she'd only come on the big holidays like Christmas and Easter. She didn't even know the fundamental difference between Jews and Christians. She is a complete novice with regard to faith.

[/b] Also, I'd have a hard time dunking her. Is she wanting that so that she can pretend all is well with you two, OR she wants permission, OR b/c she's testing you, or testing her feelings or what?? I don't get it.
I'd ask her what she expects from you. She said she understands your mixed feelings and that was telling. At some level, she knows you have been hurt. While you want to be strong, don't let her off the hook so much b/c she only wants the self serving parts of religion and not the tough stuff. Does she think it'll magically make her disciplined by getting baptized? (Hey, who am I to say it's impossible? I'm not really in a position to say, but still, I wonder.)
j-

She hasn't yet asked me to dunk her, only said she considered it. She thinks it would be "meaningful to both of us". If she asks, I'm going to ask her why she wants me to do it, because really I'm totally surprised she would even consider it if she is so bent on breaking off our relationship. But I'm sure she still wants to be "friends" to ease her guilt.

I don't know if she thinks a miracle will happen with her baptism. She was looking for a "burning bush" when we went to Retrouvaille, and when she didn't get it she felt even more that we were not meant to be.

I get the feeling that she knows she is committing a horrible sin so she is trying to give herself to God so he can help her break the affair, restore the family, rebuild her marriage, and be in love with her husband again. Now that was not a quote from her, and I don't ask since I've vowed not to mess with what God is doing with her, but it is a sense I have. But I am not banking on it, and it wouldn't surprise me if she said she's doing it to make sure she doesn't cheat on the OM after they are married.