Well....as some of you who have followed me for awhile know that I have put off bringinh up any r talks..h came by tonight on way home from work..kinda stood around...our kids were around..one left..then the other..so I said "do you want to talk?" He said he renewed the lease on his apt..that it has been a year, and that he feels so good that he thinks the bad feelings would come back if he did..so that we should really think about an attorney and legally ending the m. I said :do yoou think there is no chance..right now he does not.I asked him if he still loved me..He said"not the way he did 10 years ago"he still cares for me and said that he would continue to do the things we have been doing..but that it is not fair to me if a male asked me to a movie..he knows right now..being m, that I would say no..and that he does not want us to be in limbo or me to be sitting and thinking a year from now that he might come back.I said that I can not finacially make it on my own..he said everything would stay the same..he would pay for the house..just like now. I did ask him if there was someone else......he kinda laughed and said "no".
He said if it took 6 months for me to figure out what I want to do that was ok...he wants to remain friends..to do things with our kids as we do now..then I went and blew it and said "do you think you would ever want to have sex with me again"..he almost choked and then starting laughing..saying he never expected to hear that..and that he was not interested in sex right..we did have a good laugh over it..but it threw him so that he said "on that note I am going home to watch a movie"..but did say to just think about things.
So did I totally make an a** by saying that.........and do move on and get an attorney..I do work with all our local attorney's..so I know a few good ones, and I beleive that we could do it with just one...why do I feel at peace in some ways but of course torn..I knew this day would come and half way knew that it was probably going to be this end result...
Guess I will have to face it now...he did keep saying how great he feels and I told him about finding this bb and had I not, I would have fallen apart..and that I feel like I had been doing so well, he agreed and also said that our pastor had thought I was doing great.
Any words of encouragement would help...does it mean I have to leave piecing?
And didn't he say "If it takes you 6 months to figure out what you want to do..that's okay?"...and things are basically staying the same for now?
Well LOTS can happen in that time...An amicable, reasonable settlement and moving on...or even a major change of heart on your H's part...we've seen it before!
Just seem to need to come back here....Shiny I needed to hear that..I know I have to face reality...and while he is feeling so great, I also see that he is afraid to try again...who isn't....a year ago he told our kids that he needed to find himself..that we needed to get to know each other again..when he told people of the s, he said that we are going to try and work on it..so a part of me has some anger, as we have not worked on our m this past year..we have worked on ourselves..and that has been good..so I do think I need to take a few deep breaths..
I think of litle things he said...he could never really bring himself to say divorce..but rather looking into taking care of it legally...so is he cushioning it for me, or deep down he really is not sure, but sees this as an only way to "solve" things?. I hope I am not coming across as going into deniel..I know full well where things are...I have learned from all you guys and the books, that he does seem to fit the mlc syndrome and he has not had the same resources to rely on for support or advice.
SO...again deep breaths........patience...but at least i know how he is feeling a year later...does not mean the end ..and I will survive..
Absolutely, Sue...and why not pop on over to "just for fun" and don the fantasy costume of your dreams, whip up your best virtual dish to bring, and your beverege of choice.
It's "Luke's Fall Party" hosted by Pam (PsLuke)...DO come!!!
MHO is, do NOT go to an attorney just yet. IF he wants a D, let him do all the leg work.
It sounds to me like your H is still in the "discovering ME" mode....everyone doesn't come thru MLC in 6 mos or a year, it takes longer for some and maybe your H just needs more time.
I would definitely continue the friendship. I would definitely continue the socialization with him and the kids. Don't stop anything that's good between the two of you. Let him ride out his journey...and YOU finish yours.
This is NOT THE END...it's another turn in the road. YOU'LL know when it's time to get off the highway, and from what I'm hearing here, now is NOT the time. T2
Thanks T2....if ever anyone can rely on friends it's times like these......I knew you guys and gals were great as I have coasted along this year...but when a major change comes along you rally around....I can't even express my emotions right now........thank you
Hearing that your H really didn't want a D for himself but he wanted you to go on. Shows me that this isn't over yet! You have time on your side and if you don't mind holding on for a little longer. I think I would wait if I was you. I think T2 is on to something.
