Well my nasty manipulative wife stealing colleague is very much having a tough time at work. Silent treatment and apparently can cut the air with a knife every time he walks into the room. It's vindictive, but knowing this makes me feel good!
No doubt the silent treatment is very powerful. It will make him feel ostracized.
GOOD! You should feel good. He knew what he was doing and he did it with no honor at all. You'd think a dr, someone who is supposed to care for people, would know better. I know you're human also... but still, it makes me sizzle.
I am currently seething. She phoned me 3 times and eventually left a voicemail to ask me to move my car wreck off her drive, and to say there is some post. And most importantly of all that it was "a terrbile experience going to the solicitors to get the divorce rolling" and she "understands it must have been horrific for me to recieve the papers too." She's having such a tough time dallying off to Milan and shopping herself to death at the moment, OM on her arm, about to start new job, just spent all our supposed "baby money" on a new car and with our previously mutual friends coming to visit for parties etc etc. I have decided to distance myself from friends which condone and support her awful behaviour as they appear to do.
I'm so mad I had to stand and scream for 5 minutes and then beat up a cushion.
I texted back as I just can't be hearing her voice atm - just listening to the voicemail reduced me to tears. I put that she owes me £1005 for renovations on her rental house, she can ask her bf to drop my post off at work and I've already contacted the insurance company about picking up the car. And at the end I said "happy holidays" which was possibly a bit rash, but hell. Right now I'm REALLY HATING HER for doing this to me, and insanely jealous that OM is effectively living my life.
Spent the evening with her surrogate Mum last night who is still absolutely horrified at what has happened, and apparently the FIL is also still disgusted with her and feels she is making the mistake of her life. They both asked me to drop by again soon and we've arranged our next activities together, irrespective of the STBExW telling me I can't have any contact with them. The surrogate MIL also said she doubted that the W would ever have the guts to take the OM to her father's house, and if she did, that she (surrMIL) would have more than a few choice words if she could engineer a simultaneous visit! She's going to speak to the W in 2 weeks time I think as so far the W has avoided all requests for visits to her house.
I want to go get my own solicitor and send a letter back saying actually I don't agree with the divorce, don't believe our marriage has irretrievably broken down, and it will not even be amicable at this rate! Have to hang fire till pay day though as the financial toll of moving house, new car, kitting the house out from scratch etc at the same time as extensive work done on my own house which I rent in Scotland is finishing and requiring payment means I'm absolutely skint.
I am scared. Scared that I am so angry. Scared that I'm about to give up because at the moment I hate her so much. I think I'm getting to the point where I'm only hanging on for the principle of marriage rather than the woman whom I love, but currently despise.
How do you keep going? How do you control the anger? I don't know if I'll ever be able to stand in front of her without boiling with rage and saying lots of ridiculous things like "I want you to stand in front of all those who were at our wedding and own up to your mistake, explain why you married me at all" and "Don't patronise me about how difficult this is, you silly cow. YOU did this. You didn't have to lose your home, friends, all in the midst of first week of new job and have no car etc etc."
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I am in the E midlands too. Between Milton Keynes and Northampton.
Look, you need to calm down for your own personal health and mental well being.
Your W is in la la land at the moment and it is going to take a while for her to see the OM's bad points. At the back of her head she already knows his poor history of relationships but those crazy endorphins are driving her on.
She has re written history as far as your R is concerned at the moment.
All you can do is work on you. I would recommend having as little to do with your W as possible at the moment as it is hurting so badly and try and take the high road in your dealings with her. Be the bigger person. Shame her by you being 'good'.
It is good you have the support of her family, but just be careful with this. Don't divulge too much because they may at some point turn. You just don't know what lies your W may feed them when she eventually talks to them - remember she will feel she needs to justify this to them.
Why were you guys paying for renovations on her rental house - surely the landlord would be liable for those?
It's not unusual to go through a kind of 'hate' phase; after all, what she is doing is awful.
Were none of your bank accounts joint accounts? If she is able to raid the baby account can't you do the same? Surely she realises you need a car?
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Just remember she's an alien right now. When my DH had his EA, I could not believe he didn't remember being so deeply, passionately in love with me. But he didn't, totally rewrote our history. He's doing that again now, second guessing his reasons for being with me. In our case, he just got off the roller coaster for a few years to repair it and make it even scarier.
Those chemicals going through her brain are changing the way she thinks, acts, and remembers. It's not her, it's a crazy, caricature of her. The woman you love is in there, she's just hiding right now. Sort of like one of those awful B horror movies where someone gets possessed and the priest comes in and says to the demon - let me talk to Rachel, I know Rachel is in there - and suddenly the demon voice disappears and Rachel's small, timid voice comes out - help me, father, help me. Every once in a while, your W may pop out, but then the demon takes control again and it's rage and anger and lies. Keep your sanity. Treat her like you would a woman possessed, as she is, by the spirit of deceitfulness and lies.
The rental house is one she owns and rents out when she can face the work involved.
I'm feeling sick again having just found a whole load of emails which for the first time state she is in love with the OM. Prior to this she has been quite reserved. But now she seems head over heels for them, driving across the country to "save them" from minor disasters, missing them and staying at their place to feel "closer" to them. How can she possibly have these feelings so quickly after walking out on me. I could kind of handle them being together almost until now, but this is too much. Love? No way. We had love. What they have is infatuation and stupidity. It's just a shame they have to rub it in my face constantly at work and outside of it.
I've only just recently reread the Xmas card from last Xmas saying how much she loves me, feels supported and that I am her brick and her springboard to the rest of life, that she can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together, that she couldn't have made it through the previous few months without me. How can all that heartfelt expression be turned into the end of our marriage only 4 weeks later? And now she's in love with someone else! It's totally insane. We were pretty whirlwind as romance goes, but nothing quite like this.
We had only one real financial connection - a joint credit card which she gave back to me the day after she ended our marriage.
I'm keeping as far away from her as possible. I've asked her for the £1000 back, have arranged for my car to be removed from her drive by scrappers tomorrow. After she returns the remaining items of mine from the house (I asked her to get OM to drop them off at our workplace), we will have no contact with the exception of via solicitor, and the single remaining mutual friend and her family who continue to ask me to visit etc.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Is she really just trying to get over the hurt and pain of the end of our marriage by replacing the loss with this ridiculous time with the OM? I need to know that all this is going to come and bite them both on the ass bigtime.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear you are in this place now. It's a roller coaster and hard to stomach sometimes. She's running away from reality, she can't deal with it. I guess we spouses on here can be considered the stronger out of the pair and sometimes it is hard to understand someone being so emotionally and morally weak. Take care of yourself, deep breath and give yourself time to work out the emotions.
