Quote: Here the problem comes. As soon as I "forgot" about him, I started really enjoying myself at home, doing my things, just like I did when I was single, If felt like I had "divorced him emotionally" and at that point I was thinking, if this is what it takes to be happy in this marriage, I am in trouble, because it felt like I had giving up some very important part of what loving means to me, which is caring for him. I cannot care and do nothing or do nothing while I still care.
To a degree, you are emotionally withdrawing. But withdrawing isn't such a bad thing if it in fact pulls toward you that which you desire most. It's a paradox, really. In order to achieve the closeness and itimacy you so crave with your spouse, yes, you must 'let go,' do absolutely and completely NOTHING. In essence, you are dropping your spouse on his ass.
That's not to say you have to be mean to him, or cruel to him, or not even help out when he asks (IF you feel like it), but you have to stop assuming and anticipating his needs. I know that is probably how you LOVE to be treated, and there is nothing wrong with it if that what you like, but he is a different animal. He probably feels smothered and suffocated. (I don't mean to offend).
He can't be half responsible for your relationship because you are always there, fixing it, fluffing it up, doing whatever... you know? By killing yourself to be his everything and 'caring' for him, you are in essence doing HIS HALF of the work in the relationship... why should he put forth any effort when you take care of it all for him. See?
Trust him to hold up his end of the bargain.
I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but stop working so hard -- let it go, fall backward in the water and float with the current instead of continually fighting against the current to go upstream. Pursue the things you love, do the things you enjoy -- if he's down, feel empathetic, but don't let it hold you up...
I SWEAR TO GOD he'll notice. It may take some time, but you'll be so busy doing the things you enjoy with your life, you won't notice the time passing. The happy-go-lucky, busy with her life, confident woman you were before you got married is the woman he was attracted to to begin with.
Lose your preconceived notions of what marriage was 'supposed' to be and be willing to make it up as you go.
