The journey begins

[ClingingToHope]

A couple of email responses back from W. One on auditions for D11 to be part of the church youth band and another on some ideas to teach the girls more about money.

Both one line responses.

No response to last Friday's longer email.

Sent her another with my conflicts the week after spring break so she doesn't set a mediation appointment during the same time.

When I woke up this morning everything seemed normal.

[poet]

Peace comes at the end of the quarreling.

poet

[ClingingToHope]

Last night I started another session of Marriage Rebuilders through my church. I did this last year beginning in August and it really, really helped. Just having people to talk to about what went wrong every week.

This time around feels different. For one, everyone but two of us were going through their SECOND divorce so there wasn't a lot of drama.

This time, all of us are either freshly separated or going through the first divorce. One lady is really struggling and I didn't want to say much because she was so emotional. Her husband is fighting her for custody. She feels like everyone is blaming her because she filed.

She seemed to sound like mothers should get the kids during the school week without question. I don't believe that so I'm not sure how much I'm going to chime in in this session.

It lasts seven weeks. That'll take me to early May, which will be one year of being out of the house.

[ClingingToHope]

Wednesday is my night with the girls and W calls twice -- 6:30 and 8:30. I decided not to answer either time.

Once I got the girls to bed I came downstairs and read for a while and then called her back at 10:30 p.m.

She wanted to talk to D11 to see if results of the audition had been posted. I told her the cast list wouldn't be posted until Friday, apparently.

The conversation went on a couple of more minutes. I was so bored by it that I can't even remember what was said.

Was I wrong not to answer? I guess I felt like my time with them is my time with them -- especially since right now it's not a 50/50 thing.

I called later to see if it was anything important.

[mishka422]

When she called did she leave a message? If no, then it wasn't important and you don't need to call back. Simple.

[bright_new_day]

When she called did she leave a message? If no, then it wasn't important and you don't need to call back. Simple.

That's been my plan of action also. If there is a message, return the call. If it isn't something that needs to be answered right away I send an e-mail.

[Drew]

Ditto.

[ClingingToHope]

I haven't gone through the trouble to set up voice mail. I guess I should.

[Drew]

Or not.

[ClingingToHope]

Another step in the process. W sends me a text today saying our first mediation is on April 7 at 10 a.m. I was mildly irritated because I emailed her yesterday saying I had doctor's appointments both the 7th and 8th at 10 a.m.

I called my IC, that was the 7th appointment, and switched it to the 6th at 4 p.m. I want to be in a good frame of mind for the mediation.

So those of you who have gone through it, what's it like. Is it a lot of arguing? Is it he said, she said stuff?

I really just want to lay out my case that raising the girls has always been a 50/50 proposition and -- if you take money out of the equation -- awarding either one of us sole physical custody would hurt the girls, who are used to having both of us be active in their everyday lives.

Then just sit back and refuse to compromise on that one core principal.

I just don't see how a mediator can get us past this issue.