In the meantime, make that apartment as homey as you can, make your life as full as you can, and keep up the good work of reflecting upon what you "got" out of the unhealthy dynamic you had, how you contributed to it, and how you wish to change. It's often hard not to get "riled up" about the past, but that's choosing to expend energy on something you can't change, and where neither of you was able to do anything differently because of your life experiences up to that point.
This is good advice. Another thing I would tell you is to never bad mouth his parents.My mistake was trying to get my H to see his mother's scheming way and it just made me look bad and he would feel sorry for her. I guess he thought "she" was the victim! It is so hard not to try to point things out to him, but try not to say anything about them and just smile & wave to them and stay away as much as you can. If you have decided to fight for the M then your best shot is to be as sweet for him as you can and make life fun, romantic, and a bit mysterious (to keep him guessing) and you might check into Light His Fire tapes off of Amazon.
I know how you feel about the sex. It affected me so badly! But if that's what he is M to you for....then hey, use it to your advantage! Make coming home the most exciting part of his day. Maybe he will forget all about checking on Mamma. Mine had to drive straight from work and go spend two hours with mamma before he could go home to his family. Every day until she died. I resented it like you would not believe and told my son that he better never do his wife that way! Did my MIL love her son more than I love mine? H3ll no, but I want mine to have a normal M and be the H & daddy he is instead of a mammay's boy like I got out of the deal.
If I could have seen into a crystal ball to see how our future would have been, I'm not so sure I would have M into the family I did. You need to way your options and see what you can life with or without.....then lay some boudaries.But you better be prepared to back them p.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
