I am not very encouraging, I'm afraid, but realistic. Until he sees for himself what his parents are doing....he will not change. The best thing that could happen would be for the two of you to move as far away from them as possible. I realize that may sound terrible to anyone who has not experienced this sort of problem, but it does not get better. As they age they will grow more demanding upon his time & personal attention. If his father passes away first then his mother will consume him.
Your H sounds spoiled and immature so that is another stike against you. You certainly have my prayers.
You know, love has nothing to do with it. I loved my parents just as much as my H loved his, but I knew my place was to stand by my H and put him first in my life. I hurt so bad for so many years and then a long time down the road I did not show that honor first to him and had an EA with OM, and it nearly killed my H. Of course, everyone on the DB board thinks it's awful....and it is, I'm not saying it isn't,but maybe if I had had first place in my H's life perhaps things would have played out differently later in our M. I guess we will never know. There were other factors involved so it wasn't all due to that....but it was certainly grew from that seed....I will always believe that.
When it is the W who is too connected to her parents, it is just as bad except the man could pull up stakes and tell her they are moving. Living next door to in-laws is something I would not advise anyone on earth to do.....even if you have the greatest folks on earth...b/c that would spoil the R. Problem is that if the H put the W in the position of making a choice between him and her parents, I'm afraid she would chose her parents. Sounds crazy but I think she would. She has had the wedding, the children, and now she has all the services of her parents. Life is sweet.
I blame the parents for all of this. I'll tell you one thing that I made myself a vow and that was if I ever had a DIL that I would never treat her like I was treated. I have the sweetest DIL on earth and I have yet to say one ugly word about her and if my son ever says anything about her I always take up for her. I have never put demands on my son or made him feel that he had to choose between us. If anything, the lessons I learned in the past made me a good MIL when it became my turn....at least I hope so. Maybe I would not have been so good if my MIL had not been such a selfish and would have cut the apron strings.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
