[quote]So I drop her off the first thing in the morning at 7AM - she's at school when the teachers are just walking in. I feel so guilty about it too. Then I rush to work driving 80+mph for an hr and a half. Then after 8 hrs I rush to her school to pick her up by 5:30pm, then take her to the park etc, then fix something to eat, then play with her, help her with the homework, then clean up, do the dishes, clean the cat litter, throw in a load of laundry if needed, answer to work emails or take phone calls (I work in IT), get her ready for bed. By 9pm I'm literraly exhausted.[/quote
so W does know you have to drive that far right? that is crazy though, is W working? is she capable of taking her or picking her up more often?
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Journaling... I always want her to be dressed appropriately for the weather and W just hated me saying DD needs a jacket, or tights or a t-shirt under her summer dress etc. I agree, I don't like saying it but I'm anal and I care too much about DD.
uh oh, you sound like my mother!!! fyi, unless she already has a virus, she can't get sick from being cold, but understand that it is the smarter thing to do, to be dressed appropriately. my kids never do, and I just say, okay, you'll be cold and find out for yourself! lol
and her behavior yest might just be that she was getting sick. I think on the bed time, can you do something different? are you wanting to go to sleep when she does? i just don't think it's a healthy situation. I used to do this with my son...he could have the lights on for so many minutes, and after books and prayers, I would tell him, okay, I'm going to check on you in 5 minutes and keep doing that until he fell asleep. now I just say prayers and he gets his light on for 10 minutes. oh, what about some music?
idk, just thinking you sleeping on the floor (which is what I did when my s was 3-4 so I TOTALLY understand your pain!) is not the best sitch for either of you.
what do you think?
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
D's schedule so far is two days with W and two days with me. I try to do most of the chores on the two days when I don't have D but sometimes it doesn't work out that way. GAL wise, I really don't have much of a life...kinda sad I know.
I bike every now and then, I have a race car that I've been trying to piece back together slowly but I don't find the motivation. I've been watching old clint eastwood movies when I want to kill an hr or two in the evenings. Why Clint Eastwood? he's the man's man and I'm trying to be like him who only has two emotions: angry and not angrym he doesn't cry, he doesn't feel sad or happy LOL I read guys like him don't ever have to ask a girl for her ph no. they give it to him LOL
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
actually, IMHO, that's not what she meant. I think she was saying, you wouldn't want to go where she is going.
Right, when in fact, previously when she'd brought it up last year I told her OK we could work something out. I'd prefer to stay at a hotel instead of at her mom's and we could even go visit my sis in Canada on the way back if we could. I agree with what you're saying about always being positvie and confident in myself. I need to work on that. Waiting for those books still!
She knows about the driving but I think she takes it for granted. She doesn't ask if my drive/day was OK, if we were to go out for dinner she'd jump in the passenger seat of her car instead of asking if I wanted her to dive instead. She knows I was recently promoted and have even more responsibilities and starting up a new dept etc.
She's been unemployed since Jan 2009. Other arrangement? yes she could pick her up but then DD feels even worse when she has to switch from mommy to daddy on the same day. I'm OK with the current arrangement for now.
Sleeping wise I know what you mean but DD wakes up 2 or 3 times during the night and calls us. Her mom used to be the one to usually go and check on her and then come back. With how early I have to get up etc I can't do that - I'm a bad sleeper as is and I'm yawning quite a bit at work these days. I'm fine with sleeping there for now until she's comfortable with the idea that mom doesn't live there anymore. Also, she told me mommy sleeps with her in the same bed - which is even worse. W did mention to me that she'll use the kid's bed (shaped like a car) for her at a later time and DD will sleep with the other little girl when they start living their.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Young child sleep arrangements - How long have you and your W been separated? Don't let this go on too long. It can be AWFUL if allowed too long. Seriously. We're talking SuperNanny needed... Glad your W won't be sleeping WITH her too long. That's a big ouch. And, about your back... (You are really a SWEET SWEET Daddy!)
The W's been unemployed for over a year? How is she paying to live? Wow! Did she work full-time before becoming unemployed?
Funny you mention the driving... My H owns a trucking company, and drives between his dispatch sites all week. I almost ALWAYS drive (and offer to) on weekends since he sees so much highway. The only time I don't is when he complains about my driving. I politely put the car in P at the next appropriate time, get out and offer the seat to him. DONE! But, seriously, that's a courtesy thing, and, apparently that's not one of her strong points if we're in and out a few times in three years.
You need to get out and do something besides work and handling D6. Come on. Do I need to draw up a list?
HUGS
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
SR, that's a brutal commute and it's sucking up your GAL time. I hope there's an opportunity for you to shift things in the future.
If you're going to sleep in your D's room, at least get yourself a foamy and be comfortable on the floor You need to sleep as well as you can!
Regarding outdoor clothing, it's good to encourage dressing well because children will often not realize that they're cold. OTOH, when she is with your STBX, you can look at it as a chance for your D to learn natural consequences regarding getting cold due to not being dressed properly.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
It's really sweet of you girls (Mind, ST, FM, Jamie et al.) to say those kind words and empathize. We're both bad with empathizing. I took her for granted for doing all the house chores that I have to do now. How sad. I did appreciate her in the begining but overtime as we drew apart I stopped apprecaiting all that she does/did.
Yes she was employed before full time. She's been getting her unemployment so far and I write her a check every month to cover the difference. Last time she separated she racked up a lot of CC debt which I'd helped her bring down to 0 after we started dating. I'm afraid she'll keep going into debt further or ask for alimony...sigh!
Regarding the driving etc. yes it's a full day for me but if not for that I wouldn't know how to fill my day and I'll mope around.
Mind, make me a list! I'm still waiting to see the summarized 180s that worked for you.
Last edited by StupidRomeo; 03/25/1010:06 PM.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
OTOH, when she is with your STBX, you can look at it as a chance for your D to learn natural consequences regarding getting cold due to not being dressed properly.
That's what bothers me, she's a kid and can't be expected to make the right decisions for herself. It's our responsibility as parents to do what's best for her.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
OTOH, when she is with your STBX, you can look at it as a chance for your D to learn natural consequences regarding getting cold due to not being dressed properly.
That's what bothers me, she's a kid and can't be expected to make the right decisions for herself. It's our responsibility as parents to do what's best for her.
that is true, but sometimes our kids need to learn the hard way. now, unless she's already sick, which it should definitely be put on, I think you can use it as an example and say, boy, I bet you were cold today, why don't we put a hat and gloves in your backpack so when it's cold you can put them on. try to get your DD to figure it out for herself, because going to the W probably isn't going to work.
Quote:
Also, she told me mommy sleeps with her in the same bed - which is even worse. W did mention to me that she'll use the kid's bed (shaped like a car) for her at a later time and DD will sleep with the other little girl when they start living their.
ya, that's not going to be a good thing long term. and obviously you shouldn't sleep with your DD, I think she is too old for that. I think getting something to put on the floor like someone said would be a really good idea for you!
and yes, you do need to somehow find some more time to GAL. do you go to church anywhere? even getting together with some friends a couple times a month would help. you are definitely working hard, and you are being a great dad too! that is SOOOO important.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
But, seriously, that's a courtesy thing, and, apparently that's not one of her strong points if we're in and out a few times in three years.