Thanks for those lines. I guess I needed to "hear" it from someone else..that this is going to take a while, it won't be solved overnight. In th mean time , learn to cope. I think most of my frustration come from the simple area of not understanding my H. I love him so very much, but even though I try to act as if I understand his depression and his lack of libido, I truly don't "feel it" sometimes, you know?
I keep on thinking he should just snap out of it and be a grown up, be strong, be a man and be sexual. I am very ashamed of this, since I know in my head that I am wrong, but there are so many moments that I get angry with him because I can't put myself on his shoes.
I know I am not a horrible person, and I know I am learning something nobody knows how to deal with ahead of time. I mean, who is ready for a real relationship with all these problems when they are only married for 2 years? NOBODY. I am trying very hard to learn and you guys are my guides, since you are not just a couple of steps ahead, but many steps ahead of me on dealing with your own sitch.
Those coping suggestions are already helping. Oh gosh, I feel so herratic! One day I am fine and see the light at the end of the tunnel and the next I am consumed by despair.
I think my H has some issues with low self esteem, which to me is quite incredible, since he really is good, handsome and very very smart. But, then again, who said that low self esteem has to be based on reality right? I know that when we started having sexual problems I reacted very badly, I felt so hurt and took it so very personal. I know now that I made this problem a bigger problem than it should have been.
I am being a better wife now, I think by just accepting him, as he is , which is what I know I need to do, is what is going to help our marriage.
I have made the mistake of having so many preconsived notions about marriage and how relationships "should be" that I got so unhappy for those few things that were not "exactly" as I thought they should be. Man!... was I inmature! In dealing with this sex problem I have realized how many mistakes I was making (and some still are) and how I was making our marriage worse by doing so.
I guess, I will have to learn patience and acceptance, true acceptance, not just made believe acceptance, then I will be free of this misery and I will free my husband too.
Here I go, to learn how to be a better person and hopefully that will help my marriage too.
