New here but have been a voyeur

[Truegritter]

Hmmmm. Other stuff not working so let me trying being charming. Stop trying to figure out why he is acting this way. There are only 3 possible answers.

1) He is being manipulative trying to lure you back into the rollercoaster ride.
2) It's a function of his disorder/mental state
3) One and two

He has not miraculously recovered overnight because he went to the gym. If you were on my post the other day and you saw when I got a very hopeful email from my W. The told me "you are too willing to accept a quick fix answer and that will hurt you." This is a long journey. I am guilty of the same overzealous hopefulness. If he's cured after a couple of weeks we should see his case in Psychology Today soon. You have only just realized that there is a problem with your H that is pyschological/emotional. I have known that about my W since I've known her. This crap doesn't go away only the way they choose to self medicate or deal with it. As the spouse you get sucked in because you love them and for 100 other what seem like very good reasons but they are unhealthy reasons.

You have shared you came from a family with exactly that kind of dynamic. Alcoholism is just another disorder/disease. You are at a high risk to be a rescuer/enabler/fixer here.

I know it is tempting to think that old H is back. It feels better to think this could all be over if he just would behave normally.

Sorry to be the hammer here but I have been there and am still there. I find myself saying "see she sent me an email that was caring, lucid and thoughtful. When can we start MC?"

Not so fast my friend! We are only on the 2nd posession in the game. You just got the ball. Don't punt on first down.

My W is not manipulative. She just does harmful things to herself and I try to save her. That's my problem. My choice to recognize it.

Your dealing with a silver tongued devil I think. He's VERY good at this as he's been doing it for a while I expect. Didn't he tell you he has been unhappy for a while? And you only had a clue when you found the A.

You should have one eyebrow raised. Everyone around you has told you H has problem and needs help. Trust your intuition to be cautious.

You are handling this very well. You are asking the right questions. You are listening to the wise people here. I am trying to give you the only part I have been through and can speak to. My W has a disorder and the answer is inside her and that's the last place she is going to go to find help to stop the pain. There is more pain in there so they don't want to go there.

It is the same with your H. Someone has to get him to realize he needs therapy and possibly meds. Until that happens Lola this is a dangerous ride for you.

On a lighter note ... I can't wait for college football season!