Reading your last post brought up all sorts of memories of how sexually repressed and conflicted I'd become in my M. I wanted to touch my H so badly, but I became too afraid of rejection and starting another "sex" argument to try initiating after a while. But waiting for my H to initiate never seemed to work, either. I'd do the same thing you did - wait and wait and wait and wait until... KABOOM! I'd blow up in frustration and anger. Then the cycle would begin again.

I think it's a BIG DEAL that your H opened up to you about his feelings. I don't know how men's brains work (wish I did!), but admitting weakness, fear of failure and disappointment seems to be very very tough for them. Not macho, I guess. The fact that your H opened up to you indicates to me that he trusts you and that he wants to work on the relationship with you. Maybe he can't give sexually right now because he's in too much pain... but maybe by opening up to you, he can start dealing with the pain instead of drowning in it.

About the porn... I wish I knew the answer. My H also liked to sneak peeks now and then - which I chose to take as a positive sign - but he would get horribly embarrassed when I suggested that we watch a porno together, etc.

In counseling we figured out that my H put me on a pedestal in our M. He saw me as his wife, a person that he loved very much and wanted to take care of... but he couldn't see me as a sexual woman who needed a good roll in the hay now and then. I think his attitude stemmed from a low self-esteem on his part, a "I'm a loser, why is she with me?" mentality that just destroyed his libido.

<sigh> I wish I'd known all of this before it got so out-of-control! I was taking his rejection personally and looking inward when I could have been looking for ways to support him and build up his self-confidence.

Flicker