One Month Since The Bottom Fell Out

[sandi2]

I am not the kind of person who goes places he is not welcome. If she doesn't want me there, I don't want to be there.

I don't blame you for that, neither am I. In our family, however, it is just "understood" that the spouse and children are invited to family events like BD parties. In the past, have you waited for her to invite you to go to her side of family things?

I have thought that pushing back on what she wants in this case could reinforce her belief that I do only what I want despite what she asks.

Okay, what you have to do is to understand the difference in standing up to her for respect--and still showing fairness and respect toward her. What most LBH's do not realize is everything that the WAW wanted from him in the past.....she now feels is too little too late. So, in your eyes you might be trying to put her first--but in her eyes she is stepping all over you. It is often hard to be able to balance these things when in your stitch. But I believe respect is the most important thing to accomplish b/c she will never have a change of heart until she can respect you.....I don't care how well you put her first. In fact,the more you would try to do that right now....the more disrespect she is likely to show. The crazyiness of a WAW.

When it came to raising and caring for two twin infants she would get angry when I would question or challenge her decisions

It could be in how you say it or it may be her personality. If you've made her feel like you think you could do a better job with the kids....that might be why she is leaving you with the work. I know I would. Have you been critical?

because it feels like, again, I am challenging her and pushing back and causing stress.

In that case, know what is the right thing to do and then stick to your guns. Be firm but speak respectful. It is very important to show self-respect and confidence. If you don't feel confident in what you are doing, she will stomp you down.

It is really hard to know in some of these threads b/c your side is all that we have. Usually, DBing is doing the thing that seems opposite of what we should be doing.