I read your posts jasper and I feel deeply for your pain. Frustrating to say the least.
Just a little more to consider (or not) from today.
w called last night while I was out GAL with d then realized I wasn't home so she called my cell which I proceeded to ignore. She did not call back later to talk with d.
I get an email today at work from w 'how is d, I miss her'. I deleted it and moved on with my day. Tonight after work w called daughter so like all little kids 'she' put it on speaker phone. 'hi d I miss you' 'where did you go last night' 'where is daddy' okay I love you put daddy on the phone.
W asks me 'how is d' 'I miss her' 'where'd you go last night'. So I told her we just went out. 'oh, you didn't answer my email'. So I told her 'I was too busy'
The only thing I wish is I ended this conversation. She hummed and hahhed while I sat silently listening and then said goodbye.
I just thought it was an interesting dynamic considering I've stopped all communication.
Oh then another weird thing. MIL calls (she knows w is out of town) and asks if she needs to come by and let in our cleaning lady. Now she could have forgotten but I know w told her I would handle it. I heard them speak about it on the phone. This was less than 10 minutes after I hung the call from w to d.
I could be reading into stuff but this whole set of interactions was bizarre.
M 40 W 39 D 4 M 5 years Bomb dropped 08/09 In house separation
I'll give you some advice fromCB- don't concern yourself w/ reading into it...NC means removing yourself from the vortex...you are completely self-sufficient...MIL and W can run themselves in circles...just keep busy GAL-ing and be a great dad.
Thanks for looking in on my sitch- you have great opportunity, if you do everything opposite of what I did, you'll stand a great shot-BUT the key is to save yourself first!
As far as what you do, what I did during my H's EA was lovingly detach. I was kind, cheerful, happy, interesting, pretty - always made up and looking good, never asking what was going on, but making it clear that I knew and was no idiot. It was really interesting (looking back) that I could confront him with something very, very obvious and he'd say he was innocent. Sort of like a child getting caught in a lie. It wasn't until I was next to him and she was on his cell phone (with volume turned up way too loud, of course) and said ILY that he finally "admitted" it and came clean.Boy did he look like a cat with the canary in his mouth. It wasn't like I hadn't mentioned her by name before, etc. etc. They'll do anything - including convince themselves that they are getting away with it - to keep it from you. No need to confront until and unless you have clear cut evidence. I did and it didn't help me. I didn't have phone recordings, but I did have voice mails I copied from his work phone, presents she bought the "family" and love notes, not to mention jewelry purchases.
Good job. Try to eventually return her texts or calls when they concern D, and as you mentioned, try to be the one to end the convo. But other than that, very well-handled!
Thanks Puppy, good point about d - I'll return them and I actually was going to by the end of the day but I actually had moved on to other things but good point.
Meeting with L on Monday for quick consult just to ensure I understand my rights if this turns out to be what I'm thinking.
I love W but WILL NOT be a doormat - the pros on here know what they are are speaking about. All of this work on being confident, calm and collected reminded me of an interaction W and I had when we first dated.
We had been out maybe twice and she mentioned she had kissed some guy on a date around the same time. Now we were just getting to know each other so it wasn't infidelity or anything. I recall saying to her something like 'thanks for telling me' and she said 'you aren't jealous'. I'm sure I said something like 'I don't compete with other men for women's attention' and then I moved on to something else.
The reason I bring this up is she chased me like a dog after a bone after that interaction. It's these types of things that I knew about myself in the past and seemed to have let go over the years.
One thing is for sure - I'll be a better man no matter what the outcome
M 40 W 39 D 4 M 5 years Bomb dropped 08/09 In house separation
Thanks Puppy, no update on intel today as w is still out of town. I did get one email today. W sent me a one liner saying a friend of hers has lost his job. I waited 4 hours and responded 'I feel bad for friend'.
Her cell phone bill arrived in the mail today. I'm going to ensure I'm busy Friday night when she gets back. I've offered to do a friends taxes for him. Then Saturday busy all day and night. I'm a little concerned about staying cool on Saturday night. My d will go to MIL for sleep over in the afternoon and I'll be home alone with W for a couple of hours. I can do this though. I have a goal in mind now.
Any other thoughts on intel? I've heard about 'spy' phones but I think you need to have physical possession of the phone for a time to 'load'.
M 40 W 39 D 4 M 5 years Bomb dropped 08/09 In house separation
Wow this is not looking good. Last bill the call patterns where predictable (when I'm out) but the calls where short but this bill when the travel started has some seriously long calls.
24 minutes on v-day 32 minutes when I was out of town 99 minutes on OM b-day 60 minutes while w was away to OM
12 calls to OM but who knows how many in. Pattern changed from previous month?
M 40 W 39 D 4 M 5 years Bomb dropped 08/09 In house separation
