Is this piecing?

[flowmom]

So, two nights ago and today, my progress: not reacting, standing up for myself, confronting H,
and the result:
de-escalation and apologies.

That is great progress for you. You are learning self-management in a very difficult situation and all the hard work you're doing will help you in life no matter what.

I'm not sure I'd go as far as what OP wrote, but I think he has a point that it would be helpful to draw a circle around your H's stuff and call it HIS crisis. IMO that doesn't mean giving up on DBing or your M. But I'm going to be one of the those annoying people who nag about detachment now