New member, same old story...WAW

[saffie]

L_D,

I went through a sort of transitional crisis after my youngest D got to a certain age, (it must have started around 3-4 yrs old when she started getting more independent).

I felt no longer needed and wasn't really sure what my role in life was; not that I could really vocalise that. I think I was scared of what the next stage of life would bring, and I started feeling I was getting empty nest fever even though I was no where near that stage. Also my biological reason for existing seemed to have gone for me; even at age 3-4 my youngest D could survive without me.

I was a SAHM and I started going crazy doing stuff - shopping 'til I dropped, feeling entitled, got my H to jump through hoops trying to satisfy my needs, whilst all the time not knowing what they were. I was a PITA princess.

We had/have a comfortable life and I liked to , (and still do), play with my horses in the mornings, then lunch with my GF's etc......and yet something was missing and I thought it was all down to my H.

If I had been able to support myself I would have split; but after 18 years at home with children I couldn't do that. I was trapped financially and I didn't want to lose my quality of life. I can remember saying to a GF that I would be happy if my H found himself an OW and stopped bothering me for intimacy as long as I could keep my quality of life. I was totally unreasonable and insufferable.

My H actually started having an A during this period because he couldn't cope and needed someone to need him. I didn't know that until it had been going on for 18 months. By that time I was coming out of the fog I had been in and realised that the problem was me. I had been having therapy, (cognitive behavioural therapy in my case), and that really helped me realise what was important in my life and how I was viewing things in a strange way.

I ended up writing my H a letter apologising for my behaviour and telling him how important he was to me and how he was the one true life partner for me. He then came clean about the A and the proverbial sh!t hit the fan.

From my tag line though you can see that we got it sorted. It took a long time for me to sort myself out but it has been worth it. Although the effects of the A are still felt from time to time, on the whole our M has never been better. healing would have been faster without the A, but I can see that I played my part in that A ever taking place.

So, I guess I am saying, don't give up hope. Things aren't always what they seem at first.

My H does say that he wishes the A had never happened and that an A is just so destructive, ( so don't be tempted)!!