I am familiar with ST and I understand why you asked her to stop by.
In no way was I, or anyone else, trying to run her off.
Personally, I do believe she can be of help supporting destiny in the growth of her faith.
However, I also believe that when posting to someone, it is our resaponsibility to take the time to become aware of the entire sitiation, not just a glossing over. Especially if we are asked to stop by.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
DU is doing fine - trust me. Her faith is back and she is as strong as ever. She is doing everything that she needs to do. Going dark is what she needed.
Hi Cat - just a quick shout out
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
fyi, I was only asking questions to better clarify the sitch. Most of the people on here are trying to save their M, and that's what I help people to do. However, obviously in a sitch like this where DU was having thoughts of suicide (and I definitely did not know that- again why I explained I wouldn't have time to read all of it, but did read the intro) things need to be done differently, and I always say people need to decide WHAT can they handle.
so, I am glad that you brought that to my attention because she definitely needs to get herself to a position of mental clarity and control.
so du, if you could still let me know the answers to the questions, I would still be interested to know.
DU, how are you feeling now too? do you feel you have progressed from that feeling of despair?
Quote:
If you had ever experienced a MLC bomb and the months afterward of crap (and believe me, she has had a bomb that has lasted 3 months, not one day, and it has only been three months since it started), you would understand that a little better. Do you really think it would be beneficial for her to continue being bombed everytime they talk until it has been “long enough”? When would she start to heal herself
um, I'm not sure what you meant by this, as I do feel I was in crazy land for 3-4 months until I started becoming consistent and not allowing my H to mess with my head, my H was in an A, not mlc.
Quote:
ST I would ask—
Please continue to support Destiny, in HER faith, in HER growth, in HER healing…
But please do not pass judgment, when you do NOT have all of the facts and haven’t taken the time to get them…
to clarify, there has been absolutely NO judgment passed on her. that is why I asked the questions to better understand her situation. I never told her to not go dark, but wanted to know why she choose that so soon.
support will always be given.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
However, I also believe that when posting to someone, it is our resaponsibility to take the time to become aware of the entire sitiation, not just a glossing over. Especially if we are asked to stop by.
unfortunately not everyone has time to do this, so that is why I asked questions. I'm sorry if they are questions that are old, but I would like to help if DU wants me to.
again, I was not giving her advice, I was asking questions. As for mentioning DBing takes longer than 3 months. that is most generally true. my post was not to diminish the work she was doing, so I am sorry I did not write my words properly, as it seems some of you have misread my intentions.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
are you making this a good week for yourself? do you have any fun plans coming up?? do you have a church home for Easter?
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
DU, thinking of you and hoping you're still feeling strong.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
All, I was served with "compliant for Separation Maintenance" and another civil suit for his passport and other documents. I am not doing good and feel even more hopeless and anxious than ever. I called to speak to him, and while we talked; he ended up hanging up on me.
Not sure what to do.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
(((DU))) I am not sure what those mean, but I can't imagine it was very pleasant getting those today.
But that doesn't change your course of action. Please keep the course:
Originally Posted By: Gnosis
Right now her going dark and ignoring her H is essential for her to regain clarity. She needs the lies to dissipate so that she can see for herself what we see in her. i.e. That she is worth it. That she is stronger than she thinks. That there are people who truly care for her well-being. The last time we touched base I saw that DU's own "fog" is lifting. Her shattered faith in God is busy being restored.
The priority above everything else is DU. DU discovering herself. DU freeing herself from the lies she has been led to believe. DU rebuilding her strength and rediscovering her faith.
The rest of the stuff? NOT IMPORTANT for now. It can wait.
Even those documents count in the NOT IMPORTANT department. Respond as the law requires, and that's it.
And keep posting here.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
DU if you need to communicate with him about legal issues do it via e-mail not on the phone, that will keep the emotions out of it and will be much easier on you.
I know its difficult right now, once the legal stuff is sorted out you will feel better again.((((hugs))))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
