Here's the thing. Your H was far better off with you than with his parents. However, what they did to him was a form of abuse--keeping him too enmeshed with them, not allowing him to detach and grow on his own, making him dependent upon their approval, and, of course, making them his primary emotional attachment. What he's acting on now is all the guilt they heaped on him.
The thing is, underneath everything, he's angry at them ... and also at himself, for not having the guts to stand up to them, assert his own priorities, make his own choices, and become independent. You don't want to just wait for his mother to die--you want him to choose to PUT HIMSELF (AND HIS WIFE) FIRST before that happens, so you know your relationship has a chance.
In the meantime, make that apartment as homey as you can, make your life as full as you can, and keep up the good work of reflecting upon what you "got" out of the unhealthy dynamic you had, how you contributed to it, and how you wish to change. It's often hard not to get "riled up" about the past, but that's choosing to expend energy on something you can't change, and where neither of you was able to do anything differently because of your life experiences up to that point.
You can change your future, however. What would you like it to look like?
