I have never said this before, but I know exactly how you feel when you said it's like your H has an EA with MIL. I understand it is not sexual.....but it is emotional and it does give her a position in his life that should be reserved for you. I felt the same way. Some may say it is jealousy but I think every woman wants to know that she is the most important person to her H. The scripture tells a man (not the woman) to leave his mother & father and cleave to his W. Mine never did until she was dead.
I wish I knew what to tell you, but unless he decides he wants you more than anyone else and will place you first in his life.....your life will probably have more than its fair share of misery that you shouldn't have to deal with. You have my sympathy.
If anyone scolds me for what I've said, then you can bet they weren't M to a "mamma's boy".
Wow! This is so insightful and EXACTLY what the situation is for me. Except that it's my wife who has let her mom (and dad) meddle in our marriage and who she willingly let into our marriage, and who she now spends most of her time with. It really is like an EA that seems impossible to crack right now: MIL and FIL benefit hugely from having unlimited access to our son (20+ hours/week), whereas I get around 9+. MIL and FIL get to have their daughter back again. My w gets two full-time fully grown servants living next door to her for free meals (4-5x week), free baby-sitting anytime, housecare, yardcare, free loans, built-in social, running, swimming, hiking...where can I sign up for that kind of deal?
I also love your words that the position that MIL and FIL are occupying is a position that SHOULD BE "reserved" for me, her h. W simply does not see anything at all wrong or dysfunctional about it. In fact, she would say that her relationship is "healthy" and that her parents are her "best friends" and that shes "very close" to her parents. All things that any parent would love to hear from their child...but not when it breaks up a marriage, I guess.
Our MC told me in a private session that my w simply had not made the break from her parents that most people do at age 18. But to my w, who I will bring this up to in MC once we've reconciled, her parents are merely supporters of her feelings.
And of course w does not think that her parents will ever die. They are immortal in her mind. She really is married to them for all practical purposes and has returned to them within one month of d-filing.
What I've decided is that my w will make an excellent w in probably a few years and I want to be there when it happens. I want to create an atmosphere were she can mature. There's too much at stake for me just to run and say "ah, she's a mama's girl and or daddy's girl" and not work on myself maybe open up the possibility of change in my w.
