I don't see it as guilt at all. I don't think she felt one bit guilty.
I am going to be very plain with you okay? I tend to take in some of you younger men and talk to like a young brother...(okay, a son).....so I hope you'll look at it that way.
I see a man who wants to keep the peace in his home. You think by getting the peace you want that you have to do everything like the W wants. I could have said she's leading you around by the nose, but I know men don't like to hear those type of statements.....so I won't.
I think the majority of women will try at least once in their M to see if they can get away with running the show. Some women are more cleaver than some, and some are more overt than others.....but they all are going to try at least once IMHO.
I can't tell you the threads I've read where men get M and turn into some passive H and then can't understand why his W disrespects him. Do you think that is what might have happen to you?
You see, you didn't truly answer my question about what did "you" want to do about attending SIL's BD party Saturday. You said you would go for your kids, but you never said what you really wanted. And, while I'm on the subject of kids.....I appreciate the fact we have so many dads who care a lot for their children but I have to tell you....I have suspected that kids are used for "excuses" a lot of times when the dad is too passive in his ways and he doesn't want to be acused of being a wuss, so he says it's for the children's sake.
I am not telling you to act like a horse's rear to your W, but I am telling you to stand up to her and stop allowing her to wear the pants in this M. Women are never attractive when they try to be the man in the M. But, men look even worse if they go around in a dress. I didn't say that is what you are doing.....but neither do you want to get to that point.
It is little things that men start let slidding and first thing you know.....they don't have a say about anything. You are waiting for "her" to decide if you will attend the BD party Sat. You don't want it to be obvious, but that is exactly what you're doing. If you are close to her family and want to go, then go and enjoy yourself and stay busy socializing with everyone there and forget what W wants. If you really don't want to go, then have another appointment (GAL) and maybe call SIL and wish her happy BD. The point is to act like a man and don't be some little boy that is waiting around to be told what he can or can't do.
As long as you allow her to treat you like her son, she'll not respect you like a man......and she sure won't have sexual attraction for you. It is not the nature of a normal female to be sexually attracted to a man she treats like a child.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
