here's a post by gucci who has literally forgotten more on this subject than I will ever know:
Originally Posted By: gucci loafer
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I am strong, I am confident, I also like to get my way. So I am struggling with fighting for my marriage and letting her make the biggest mistake of my familys life.
Do a little research. Strong confident men are attractive to women. So, when a strong, confident man is fighting for his marriage, the woman views it (and her view is what counts) as WEAKNESS (which is NOT attractive)
Have you ever noticed that strong, confident men usually always have a woman that is considered "hot"? Usually the woman does a lot of the chasing? Ever noticed that reality with those types of men/women relationships?
You see, one of the things that many men "miss" on this site is that when a woman is feeling those "romantic and in love feelings" is when she is dating "up" or involved with a man who allows HER to do much of the pursuing and chasing. Now women will tell you they would prefer to be chased, but have you noticed that really isn't the true reality? That when they are chased by a man that they usually back off? (and YOU are another case in point right now)
The key is to know how to pursue and yet allow her to pursue. You HAVE to let her "feel" (women go by feelngs) that you KNOW that you deserve and will not accept anything less than a woman who WANTS to be with you and will be exclusive with you. She needs to "feel" that you will accept nothing less.
You ARE accepting something less. Don't you see that you are pursuing a woman who even tells you she can't be faithful? You should be calling her bluff as if you have a straight flush. As a strong and confident man this is the reason you have lost your mojo. You don't have the "confidence" to tell her NO, this is unacceptable and I don't want a woman like that. End of story.
My answer to you is different than what you will usullay hear on this site, but one I have seen work far better again and again and again...
Your 180 is to show her in no uncertain terms that you really have LOST interest in her. That SHE isn't worth YOUR love and time. This will then be perceived as strong and confident. You are not mean to her or punitive, but just casual and "oh well, this isn't working and not what I want or am looking for"
She THEN either HAS to chase you, which causes her romantic feelings to start COMING back or it is over anyway. (so what have you really lost?) Confident men are WILLING to risk it all for the sake of their self esteem.
Now. The psychology behind this is interesting...
She has low self esteem or she wouldn't need all that attention she seems to cry out for. Since she has low self esteem she subconciously thinks this.. "if I don't really love myself and can't be faithful then there MUST be something wrong with HIM (meaning you) to want me when I don't even love myself.....She looks DOWN on you for wanting her because she doesn't even LOVE herself. So she subconciously looks down on you and can't feel those correct feelings because YOU put up with her. This is why you need for HER to chase you so that she feels she is dating UP.
The guy who ends up winning her will be the one who shows these traits. The others will go by the wayside. She secretly WANTS to be faithful, however she won't be able to do it until she finds a man who won't put up with anything less. She will then want to PROVE to that man how faithful she can be.
Show her the man that you told us you are. STRONG AND CONFIDENT. Stong and confident is willing to risk the whole ball of wax to win the prize because he accepts nothing less.
I'm only 3lbs away from my goal weight, and guess who is starting to feel good about myself again?
Umm.. lemme guess. You are. That's great! It sure feels great to be thin and fit, doesn't it? I've dropped a size with the D weight loss program and continued exercise. Now I want to keep it going. It's going to be carrot sticks and chicken breasts until I can really kick in the summer exercise program. Woot!
"Wife you're right, it's not working out, we should go our separate ways, you should be with the other guy, in fact I hope you're happy with him, time for me to find someone else too, I hope it works out for you, no hard feelings, bye."
Okay. When do I drop this bomb? ASAP? Doesn't this just put the D in her court? If I am agreeing with her on the D, why maintain the separation? Help me understand the steps here?
^^^^^ That applies to Strong and Confident women as well. (I would think)
Fergilicious - Now you're in trouble... you have my TWIN in here now!
Originally Posted By: Fergie
Umm.. lemme guess. You are. That's great! It sure feels great to be thin and fit, doesn't it? I've dropped a size with the D weight loss program and continued exercise. Now I want to keep it going. It's going to be carrot sticks and chicken breasts until I can really kick in the summer exercise program. Woot!
Hey, I have great recipes and nutrition tips on my thread... come on over! Well, that is if you can weed through the shopping talk, my whining about lack of sex, and the rise of SUPERMINDFULL!
Seriously, some good recipes for our efforts!
I'm glad Rob's helping out here, really.
I'm just here for spirit lifting!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Fergilicious - Now you're in trouble... you have my TWIN in here now!
OH NOES!!!1! There are two of you?
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Seriously, some good recipes for our efforts!
Cool. I'll check it out. Last night I tried a chicken recipe that was basically a chicken breast with veggies, mushrooms, and chix stock baked in a foil pouch. It sounds boring, but it was actually very good.
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I'm glad Rob's helping out here, really.
I'm just here for spirit lifting!
Seriously. Thank you. Thank you all (Pearl, Rob,and you too Serenity, if you want to chime in). I feel so much better to come here and, if nothing else, vent. It really helps to have someone take the mind jumbles I spew and make some sense out of it. I should be sending my C money to you guys! Maybe I'll buy some lab equipment instead.
