That is why this impression of the blades on Helicopter make me scratch my head so much....
The question was....
What does Dropping the Rope mean to you ?
As far as the couch thing....
Let's say....
( Your teenage son ) Dad, I have been thinking, and I really don't want to live here anymore. I am way too controlled, and I need to be free to find myself.
BUT....I need you to finance everything I will need for my new endeavors...I took your credit card and bought a whole bunch of new things to get that started.
What I need from you, besides money, is for you to be here WHEN I NEED YOU....other than that, I will denounce you as being part of my life.
I need you to move out , so that no body knows you are my Dad.
Oh. and Dad.....I don't love you anymore either...
The message that doesn't seem to be getting through is that all of your "work" lately has been in the area of predicting her behavior and "protecting" yourself from this predicted behavior.
You surely don't think that any of these people posting to you doubted that your wife was involved with another...or that she would be happy to tell the kids that you were separating/divorcing....or that she would tell you that she can't be with you anymore....or that she would rally forces to her side...
All of these, and so many more, are standard fare for this crap. THAT is what so many here are trying to get you to, not just understand, but DIGEST - ABSORB into your being.
Your actions and words show that you do NOT understand what is being said. You see the tree, and you are completely missing the forest.
This stuff sucks to high heaven. Staying emersed in it day after day sucks even worse - hence TRUE detachment. Acting and reacting in your same old patterns just makes the sucky stuff suck more - hence WORK ON YOURSELF. Co-habitating with a former spouse who now dismisses you and disrespects you by sending hot and bothered text messages to another man compounds the suckiness of the sucky stuff - hence GETTING A LIFE. Allowing your emotional state to be tied to the behaviors of someone who is wacked out on MLC makes you suck too - hence DROPPING the ROPE.
There is a way through this.
It is NOT by trying to anticipate/predict the next offense or what lies around the bend. Protect yourself, yes. Try to anticipate what she's thinking and what she's going to do next? That's a prescription for madness.
Gather your info Eric. Then how about you leave her madness alone. Did you think this was going to turn around in a couple weeks or months? Did you honestly believe that a woman who has been planning and rationalizing her escape for probably longer than a year was simply going to drop her labored over plans because you told her that you get it, that you're going to become a better man?
Come on Eric. You're brighter than this.
She is winning. Not that this is a game. But in many respects its like that contest they used to have every once in awhile where a bunch of people stand around a new car and touch it with their hand - the last one standing wins the car.
How are you going to be the last one standing when you are wearing yourself out day in and day out worrying over something you have absolutely no control over?
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
I have instructed my attny not to file. I also told my wife this yesterday. When we spoke to the boys she seem quite happy that "we" decided to file. Yesterday when I told her that I would not file and that if she wanted this she would need to file, her mood changed. She actually seemed pissed that I am not going to file. I told her that I want to be here for my kids and if that is not what she wanted that she could file. I also said to my W that I now realize that it is over.
I am meeting with my attny today about next steps.
I get what everyone is saying - I do. Apparently I have not detached enough. I am still bothered by the OM but need to focus my energies elsewhere.
Bill - you are correct I am still to emotionally tied to her. I have moved to the sofa and will completely detach. Completely. She will no longer hurt me. The one positive was a comment from my middle son who said..."Dad - I hope you don't have to leave and I hope that mommy realizes this" - It broke my heart. My oldest on the contrary, is very much like my W these days...very cold, no true emotions, said yesterday that he does not believe in love, if someone every cheated on him he would just "brush them aside" - this was a convo he was having with my middle son. He seems so angry and so cold it hurts.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
