This winter was the first winter we didn't have 60 degree days in December, January or February since they've been keeping records. It's been a cold and miserable winter, too many days without sunshine.... March hasn't had a sunny day yet, as we normally have leaves budding out by now, but the trees are nearly bare. Oh, I have seen the robins, some crocus, and the color green underneath the brown grass, the signs are there, however, the temperatures haven't spoken of Spring yet.
As for me, well, I exist more than I live. I've lost the sense of hope, at times my faith in God, and people. Oh, not everyone, of course, but those who have elected themselves to help and protect others and their rights. The system, if you will.
My children are my greatest joy. Having them ripped from my life as they have been, well, has been my greatest fear. Both God and Dick knew this about me, and the nightmares I had for years since the children were born. Nothing could stop Dick and the court. Nothing. I would like to expose them both, for what has been done, but it wouldn't be for revenge, it would be so no one else would have to bare the emptiness that I have been learning to live with.
D has been accepted to Stanford. Stanford reached out to her, she's still a Junior. Her academic scores on the various tests have drawn their attention. I've told you that she was a bright one. Dick has now convinced her to join the Navy, as he also tried to convince my son he wasn't smart enough for college and needed to go into the military. She believes she will be traveling the world, and receiving a fine education to boot. Now mind you, my Father, Uncles, Cousins, a few boyfriends, and many friends, are Navy or retired Navy and I'm very proud of them and their service. None of them were accepted to Stanford prior to going to the Navy.
In Dick's family, there is no one who has been Military. Oh, Dick swears he wanted to go to the Airforce because he loved to fly planes, but said he wasn't accepted because he already knew how to fly. BS? Absolutely, because we both know he would have never survived being told what and how to do things by someone else.
As for me, well, I focus on one day at a time, putting one foot in front of another. I'm learning to survive with what has been given me. Although there are days I wonder what I've done to deserve my life today. Yes, I realize my life can be a whole lot worse, for there will come a day when the children and I will be together again, and I am grateful for this, and this thought keeps me going. Now, if the sun would shine, I'm sure my outlook would be a whole lot better.... and this too shall happen, it's just a matter of time.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
We have had a few days above the norm here, but it's been a very wet fall, winter and it looks like spring may be that way as well. The snow is finally gone, but it's been raining the last couple of days. I haven't seen this much snow since I was a little girl and that was a long time ago. Trees are starting to bud, flowers are coming up and some are starting to bloom just a little bit. Of course the rabbits and squirrels are doing their own thing these days. Deer are everywhere as well as the skunk population.
Of course, our children are your greatest joy and that's why your xh is hitting you where it hurts. He knows that you adore them. He is very jealous and resentful of the relationship that you have with them.
Congratulations to your daughter! I do hope that she will take the opportunity to go to college. She can always go into the military after she graduates from college. The military is a good way to see the world, but you don't always get the opportunities that you would like to have in the way of travels. I would suggest that she talk to people who are in the military right now or retired and not rely just on her father's comments.
Yep, it's bs about your xh and the air force. He most likely didn't pass the exams or have the smarts to get in and he doesn't want to tell her about that.
I know that I've said this before, but I want to remind you to be careful what you share on here. I may be wrong, but your xh knows entirely too much of what you are doing and I'm just not sure if someone is ready and passing info on to him or if he's got some type of tracking system that has latched on to your email address to follow you all over the place. I could very well be wrong about this....but something just isn't right.
Please take care of yourself. Let's hope the sun does come out again very soon.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I graduated from the Air Force Academy. My advice is go to Stanford(if you can afford it). There are lots of ways to travel and it does not have to be through the military, although that option may always open up in the future. My son is about to graduate from RIT and he has been travelling extensively in college, mostly all for free. He has attended math conferences and is being recruited by different schools for his PHD(they have paid for his trips to visit these schools)
Stanford will open many doors in the future. She should take it if at all possible.
I agree with you, Stanford will open doors for my D that the Navy could not. Right now, the school she is attending has her tutoring in Physics and Spanish. Like D's half sister, and myself, she's a student of Math, Science, Music, as her sister and she share a delight in the different languages. I would say foreign language, however, they aren't that foreign anymore.
D's half sister (Dick's daughter) has also traveled abroad while learning, supporting herself through modeling and photography. I would love to get the two of them together, however, Dick's daughter has nothing to do with him, since he wasn't there for her, and D is now living with him.
Dick can very well afford Stanford, heck, the man is on his second brand new car this year, as he purchased three new cars last year, and an old truck and a new street bike for D and an older Accura Ledgend for S. The man buys cars like most of us buy shoes.... heck, I don't buy that many shoes in a year.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
Dick makes most of his information about me up, or as you say projects it. He may get a tidbit or two from the kids, which he manipulates anyway he can to make me appear worse. Dick does use his friend's (the tenant farmer) son, who does keep track of me and my whereabouts, as this man also has been seen in my driveway a few times, and those are the days I have a flat tire, the same tire, the passenger side rear tire. Oh, there's lots more going on here than I've let on to. The stuff I write about, is mainly things I need to vent, to express, need to be heard. It's the stuff that is eating me up inside.
Dick is very intelligent, quick on his feet, able to mask the truth faster than a cat can bury it in litter. Has no remorse for the things he's done, because he's learned to justify and delude himself and others at a drop of a hat. It's always someone else's fault, it's a family tradition.
Personally, I see it as his weakness. If you can't own up to the things you've done, and who you are, than what are you anyway?
I know as soon as I feel the warmth of the sun on my face, smell the spring air, I will feel a lot better.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
I'm finally coming around, I'm finding my laugh again, which has me feeling better too. The warmer weather and sunshine is good for my soul.
The LPN looks like amazing stuff, although I really haven't had enough time to do an indepth research, I believe it's the way I want to go! I'll ask my doctor what she thinks, and if she says no, I'll just look for a more progressive doctor. I like the lack of side effects, and that it can work for multiple issues. Thanks so much for bringing it to my attention.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
I finally bought a TV! Yup, me, finally! It arrived yesterday, and still in the box... I hope to have the satilite hooked up in a week or two... no rush, of course, it's still one step at a time here.
I also bought a sofa to replace the one I gave my son for his apartment. It'll take me a couple of days to get the livingroom put back together.. but I'm thinking of working on it, which may not sound like much, but it's more than I've done in months...
I'm a little nervous about climbing out of this rut completely, because I fear Dick coming back around to kick me back in... as it seems has been the way things have gone for the past few years. However, I know in my head that he can only kick me back down if I let him, and I'm the one in control of where my head is at. I've thought about where I'm at, and now realize there really isn't much more he can do.... except ban me from my S's graduation.... and that's only one day, and has nothing do with the life S and I will have down the road, and into the future. Sure, he can also prevent me from seeing D until January.... but even those days are even numbered, and with each day that passes, there's one less day he can do anything.
