Doc, I feel like I'm in a virtual bar with you, so again will click my glass with yours. It's helpful to be validated from another guy's perspective. Naej and other woman who post to me help me to understand how my actions would affect a woman.
This dance guy my W hangs around with is a jerk. I think any respectful man knowing that my W is in relationship with would not allow a married woman to spent the night with him, whether it's platonic or not. My W tried to soften things up last year, and tried to get me to feel sympathy for him because of his marital and financial troubles. I'm losing my patience with him, and have visions of giving him a sock to the jaw (not planning on it). I notice he avoids me, and is careful to stay away from me when he's at my home to pick up my W.
It's not time to throw in the towel but the game is moving into the later innings. I thought I had gotten back in the game, but I've fallen behind again. I'm like a player who was sent back to the minors to work on marriage skills (dancing, expression, confidence, connection) needed to get me to the big leagues. It's time to put me in the game and see how I do. I'm a baseball fan, as you can see.
You're right, being a good guy isn't enough. It's better to work on this (assertiveness, confidence, expressiveness) while I'm still married. These problems would follow me to another R. I need to keep the focus on what I need to do to improve myself as a person and H, with the hopes that it will impact the M.
My W has seen signs of change. It's time to make some more small changes that will have an impact. I need to stop coasting in old patterns.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
