Okay I have had a few days to think about a few things...here are my plans...(anyone outside of these boards will think I am crazy)
I am going to contact my L today (already have and I'm waiting for a return call). I will ask the L the following:
1) If we do not file now will this impact my ability to have the kids 50% of the time in the future.
2) If I do not file now could she file later for cruelty or something along those lines.
3) If I do not file now what does this do to my alimony payment. For example If proof of the affair (remember I live in a no fault state) does not materially impact this then I need to know. In addition, I would like to know what the approx "worst case scenario" payment would be.
4) If I do not file now do I run the risk of not remaining in my home.
Assuming that not filing does not "hurt" me per se then I am probably going to not file. I am standing for something bigger than me and that is my kids.
Yesterday her and I told the boys...A very wierd conversation. She almost seemed happy. I will post with a little more info later on today.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Assuming that not filing does not "hurt" me per se then I am probably going to not file. I am standing for something bigger than me and that is my kids.
Those are thought out questions....and taking time to think is generally seen as "crazy" in today's society.
I feel 1,3, & 4 are solid questions. #2 for me is the big one at the moment. She has already gone the route of introducing fear and the possibility of assault into the equation (I don't think you would Eric, but she has officially laid it out on the table). As much as I hate to say it, there are cases on the board were spouses have used this tactic to their advantage before. I am interested in how your L responds.
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She almost seemed happy.
This is why you detach! I would venture a guess and say she is not seeing the reality of this action course. She isn't seeing that it is breaking up the family, hurting children, etc....She is seeing it as "winning"...get her way....getting back at you for all the terrible things you have done.
You are doing good. This post could have been strew with venom and anger, but instead it is thought out and concise. Another example of how far you have come:)
Just keep in mind that it is in any lawyer's best interests to have you file for divorce. They make more money that way.
On a deeper level, don't allow your lawyer to somehow become the one who makes such a decision. I'm not saying that's what you're doing just yet, but there is a fine line between gathering information and setting someone up to tell you to end it.
And since we give our own personal advice freely here, I continue to say that if she is actively involved in an affair, you need to cut all financial ties and she needs to get out on her own.
You have already experienced a taste of the hell it can be living with a spouse who is acting married to another persons.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Just keep in mind that it is in any lawyer's best interests to have you file for divorce. They make more money that way.
Understood. This is the same L that my buddy used and she has done a ton of "free" work for him so I don't think she is in it for the money but point taken.
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you need to cut all financial ties and she needs to get out on her own.
Hence my question about the alimony. I do not believe that she will leave and it may be that I have to leave.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
All - I have spoken to my attny and she is working up the approx alimony payments.
Also, according to my L the EA's will have no bearing since they were not the cause of the marraige breakdown.
This may hurt guys...it may hurt.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I just spoke to my attny and she will have a case for alimony. Since W has spoken to an attny I suspect that they have confirmed the same to her. I am only getting the financials from my attny so that I can plan a budget and figure out the next steps for me.
I have instructed my attny not to file. My attny feels that we have a very good case for 50/50 with my D and my middle son but the oldest just may trump it. As suspected Mommy spoke to her little baby and is doing real good at brain washing him.
We her and I spoke with the kids as I was telling the kids that we have decided to LS, my son said oh..then you are getting a D. I said no that we are getting a LS. My son asked what the difference was and my wife LAUGHED with him and said she did not know what the difference was. I explained to my son the difference. My wife told my kids that sometime people fall out of love and that they GROW. I explained to my son that we unconditionally love both of them and that true love does not die. W decided against telling my D. Oh...I also said to my son that sometimes people try and relive periods in thier lifes that they missed and that is part of growing. His response was oh..a mid life crisis. I thought it was an interesting statement. So I assume that my W has told my son that she is going thru a mid life crisis and that she just needs to do things on her own.
She knows she is in a crisis and really think that she is just growing and changing and that part of that change is getting rid of me.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I completely agree with B on cutting the financial ties at this point. Still pay the bills....but definitely time for an Eric only checking account. From that just transfer the exact amount to cover bills into the joint account and pay them immediately.
Bills have to be paid.....but no more easy access to your money. She has her own account....let her use her money for playtime.
Stop worrying about the leaving thing. It will happen one way or the other. So it is out of your control unless you make the decision yourself....which right now is staying.
I highly recommend a run today....if it is raining it will be even better....Helps you cool off.
I am dropping the rope. She is gone..gone...I'm so done with her it's not funny. She is a completely different person and will be this way for some time. She want's her freedom, she wants me to fund it and quite frankly has no care in world torwards me. She is only thinking about herself. So yes - rope is dropped. What I am doing right now is gathering the info that I need to prepare myself for what will more than likely happen. I do this for ME and my kids. I will more than likely have to leave the home so I am trying to figure out what I can afford, etc.
My attny feels that she will more than likely fight for the kids since it financially benefit her to have them most of the time. I should have NOT paid down the debt and given most of the money to my attny.
She is gone. She is sick and she will cause a tremendous amount of damage before she is done. I know in my heart that in a few years she will come back to appologize by them though the damage has been done. I can say right now that pushing aside the anger...I begining to feel nothing for her. Nothing. The women I married died. She is dead.
She has manipulated my oldest against me, which I understand is a common MLC trait but needless to say she has totally screwed me. I know I will survive. I know I will be better because of this. Right now I may not see it but I know at some point in the future I will rise above this sh*t. When..who knows...only God.
MLC sucks - it is a home wreaker. A destructor of any love. It really sucks.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
