Sorry LJ. I think its good you challenged him on the phone account.
It IS good to challenge your partner rather than allowign them to walk all over you. But its navigating the dispute is the real problem, particulary when there's addiction at play here.
You WANT to be able to challenge him, thats good. SPouses very often start avoiding each other rather than challenging each other in hopes this will make for a better marriage, but it doesn't... it just makes you two strangers...
So, challenge, but don't fight.
HUSBAND : I want my own phone acocunt, I am tired of you snooping on me
YOU : While we are married there will be NO SECRET KEEPING, that will just stress us BOTH out.
HUSBAND : I don't trust you
YOU : Neither one of us trusts each other right now.. you think you hiding your phone calls makes our marriage any better?
HUSBAND : You are trying to control me.
YOU : I am protecting a marriage, feel free to join me.
HUSBAND : I don't like all these changes you are making with your life
YOU : I will cancel any changes I made if they prove a threat to this marriage - immediately.. are you willing to do the same?
Husband walks away
That is you steering each conflct back to the marriage and protecting it... emphasizing safety... you take the conversation OFF of you and him, and onto the marriage and safety.
He won't LIKE it, but you will have gotten some truth bullets in there and maintained your dignity and his respect for you.
