OK, OIN, thank you first for reconsidering the complimenting. Jasper made a good point about the complimenting that I hadn't even considered.
You are handling things well. What you really need to do is work yourself so hard you are in the habit of doing teh best thing in each instance. Before people's instincts are initially selfish. They say snd do what does best for them...
Usually after starting a db busting campaign they realize how quickly they thought of themselves and they have to work very hard to get OUT of that habit. The more you struggle with this, the more you will realize how much damage you were doing over the last ten years. The harder it is for you NOW, shows you how hard its been for her.
A lot of your work right now is just investment. This is like a mutual fund, not a hot stock. You put the $$ and wait... and wait... and wait...
You are unlikley to see overnight improvement, or even improvement over a few weeks. Even if you Do get a positive reaction from your wife one day, you will very likley get a negative one a few days later. You just keep acting lovingly to your wife, despite what SHE is doing. You should monitor regularly, but bear in mind its not going to mean much.
When you observe her doing something good on a CONSISTENT basis, like "she has wore her ring every day for the last MONTH" THEN you know you are on to something...
But if you monitor each eyeblink hoping for steady improvement you won't get it.. and it will drive YOU crazy in the process.
Mutual funds go up and down, up and down, but over the LONG HAUL they get to a much better place.
Bear in mind I am not a financial analyst or anythign, so maybe mutual fund might not be the best analogy... if someone wants to help me out here feel free.
BWP has a point here too. YOu can't sweat the shyness... there are WAY too many variables here to draw any reliable inference as to the meaning of it other than to say
Ya, she's got wayward syndrome...
And leave it at that. It may mean something more specific, but there's no way for us to know
The best thing to do I think is just to act past it. Ignore it essentially. You just keep doing your thing.
It's an interesting theory here...
If a person were deaf and blind, would they make a better partner?
They would certainly be better able to ride out a wayward spouse that's for sure...
when db'ing I often keep in my an image of a horse in a race... Horses have "blinders" on their harness tokeep from being distracted by the other horses to their sides... all they see is the path ahead of them. Divorce Busting is very similar to that, you can't peek at your spouse too often or you get distracted.
If you compare your wife NOW to how she was when she was having her EA, it think you would say "ya, she's better now"
So, that means you keep doing what you're doing. You can't compare day m to day n, but you can compare day a to day n and hope to see some mild improvement.
Assuming you ARE at day n, but I think you are likley only around day f or so... not near the halfway point yet. I would expect you to have to db for more than ten months... particularly with OM at her workplace and the people your wife hangs out with.
Just a bit off the subject here, you have indicated you are a police officer ya? Do you wear a uniform at home?
Women tend to swoon over that sort of thing. I am thinking there's something we may be able to do there if you have a uniform... need more info first.
