The fight night sounded good...remember baby steps, and the coaster...its not the easiest thing in the world...what she's considering is the easiest thing in the world- so you are NO DOUBT a GOOD man.
Keep PMA and doing what works...she is not all powerful and cannot determine your happiness or mood- she let you do that to her and look where she is!!
Jasper, guess i was feeling sorry for myself. It didn't help that I snooped and well saw that she made a comment on his FB page talking about a new photo of him. BLECH. Dude is douche.
I really need to stop snooping. I made a huge step today and deleted the key logger that I have on my comp and I mean deleted it. I don't even have the install file any more. I am tired of abusing myself. My patience has waned(sp) a bit this past week. I dont know why I abuse myself like that. I could make a manner of excuses but I know it is really just to torture myself. GRRRRR. Some one slap me!
I have been keeping busy with art though, I have started to sketch more and more and a friend has asked me to do some logo designs for her clothing line. Which I will get paid for. WOOOHOOO my first paying job art-wise.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
Wild - stop snooping...Stop...Stop...trust me YOU ARE ONLY hurting yourself. Stop...stop...stop....
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I know, that is why I deleted my stupid key logger. Thing has been a curse never a blessing. I happen to be really confused right now. I really want to just to go back to normal. This is a struggle and I really don't know what to do. I'm reading DR and it all sounds well and good but doing it is where I feel like I may be giving room to the OM. I don't know what to do.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
God I'm in the middle of a huge F ing breakdown at work. I keep reading the DR book and I turned to the end of the book where people have written letters to M-WD and all I want is that. I so badly want my life come back together. I want to change and I want to be strong but I so desperately want my wife to be apart of it. I will never give up, I know I wont, all i can ever see is us together. I don't care about the OM I don't care about what she has done, i just want to work it out with her. I want her back. I want my family whole. I am [censored] crying at work right now all i want to do is crawl under my damn desk. Please God help me. Give me the patience to follow your will. Help me become a better man. I know I am a good man, husband and father. Open Jessica's heart to you and have her see the mistake she is making.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
Right now you really just need to focus on you dude. You really cannot control anything that she does. Become someone that you would never want to leave. Become that man. I know you can do it. If you stop focusing on her and focus on you you will become this person. Do not make the mistake that I made by confronting her. You do not want her back this way - you want her to love you for you. Now go be the best guy you can be.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I already feel like I was that man, yes I made the mistake of not taking her out enough. But I was a good father, I am a strong willed person, and driven. I know what I want but I know I have to pay my dues to get where I want to be professionally. Right now, I'm low and I dont know if it is because I read the success stories(which before today were helping) or if I just need to step off this bound for hell ride.
I have no intention of confronting her. I know it wont work. My glass of STFU has been drained and refilled these past 7 days. Since our last confrontation. Eric I just see her and all I want is to be able to touch her and hold her. It is killing me. My daughters 7th birthday was yesterday and during singing Happy B-day to you to her I almost cried because I got it in my head that it could be the last birthday she has with my wife and I. I tried faking being happy but she saw right through it and she asked me what was wrong but I just kept my mouth shut. But she knew something was wrong, and asked me what was wrong multiple times.
.....
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
I did the same thing at Christmas, W begged to have a nice Christmas...I went outside and saw all the families to together, saw generations of a family walking around the block w/ strollers, and I broke down...begged and cried and ruined Christmas- possibly the last one I would have w/ W...
You are a good man...remember everything from here is opposite of what you think/feel you should do...keep having faith, but like Eric said, save yourself- you are thinking clearly, W is not...you are the rock- be the man she will regret leaving if she does...good job deleting the keylogger-
Yes step off - detach. Trust me it is hard and quite honestly I am no where near where I need to be but keep at it. Keep at it.
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I have no intention of confronting her. I know it wont work.
No it won't work. Trust me I did it and did it the wrong way. Stick with the STFU approach. You will save yourself a lot of grief.
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Eric I just see her and all I want is to be able to touch her and hold her. It is killing me.
I go thru the same thing buddy. It kills me too but when I was able to detach for a day or two I did feel better. By the way it may feel like it is killing you know but what does not kill you makes you STRONGER - just remember that.
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I tried faking being happy but she saw right through it and she asked me what was wrong but I just kept my mouth shut. But she knew something was wrong, and asked me what was wrong multiple times
I've done and still do the same so I get it buddy. All you can do IMO is try and find things that make YOU truly happy. You cannot control what she does but you can control you.
Keep your head up man - you will get thru this.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Jasper and Eric, I am doing better today. With both of you giving me advice and going to see my C it is all getting better. I'm digging myself out of the hole I stepped in. I am keeping my head up and I just have to keep telling myself that I am a good man I am a good husband and father. This sitch I'm in isn't all my fault and I'm not the one that has walked away from it. I know that I can have the patience that is required and then some. It helps that I am here and letting some steam go. I cant thank you two enough the support you have given me is more than I can ask.
Thank you thank you thank you
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
