While I am sure that DU appreciates all of the encouragement and support she gets here from everyone…
OP is right. She is going dark for her.
DU, don’t you DARE question yourself…
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I read up on the long list of events on page one, but don't have time to go thru 30 pages.
IF you had bothered to read the whole thirty pages, you would NOT be asking this question.
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how long did you DB? if you did, 3 months is not long enough.
Destiny is STILL DBing. She is doing exactly what SHE needs to do for her SANITY and her LIFE.
In some forums, going dark is equivilant to LRT. Here, it is not…and especially not in this particular situation.
This is MLC land, not infidelity or newcomers. The stuff that happens over here is NOT the same in way, shape, or form…
An LBS with a MLC spouse will and does hear continued barrages of spew for months to years with each contact with their S. And each spew contains some sort of horror that compares us to the Devil and makes us believe we ARE that bad. Oh yes, they are convincing, our wonderful MLCers.
This is a forum where restoration of M takes YEARS, if it comes, and we learn to accept that. We learn to do what is necessary to heal ourselves so that as the garbage continues we can rise above it and know what is real and what is not. We learn to take care of ourselves first and NOT join our S’s in their pit of despair.
Destiny wanted to attempt suicide ST. And every interaction with her H escalated that feeling for her. It took the people who are posting to her and her OWN hard work to get her to the very point she is now, which is still an iffy place. Destiny is not ready to deal with her H yet. She is not able to hear what he might accuse her of without letting it affect her in a way that could cause her to lose all ground and faith in herself that she has yet. She will be soon. That I am certain of. But now is not the right time for that…
Over here, detatching and going dim or dark is for us. Not as a way to punish them or stop DBing. It IS part of DBing.
It is the first step to our own healing.
If you had ever experienced a MLC bomb and the months afterward of crap (and believe me, she has had a bomb that has lasted 3 months, not one day, and it has only been three months since it started), you would understand that a little better. Do you really think it would be beneficial for her to continue being bombed everytime they talk until it has been “long enough”? When would she start to heal herself?
Everyone has to do this in their own way that is right for them. We do not criticize each others choices here. We may challenge them as needed, we may question them, but we realize that everyone has to make their own choices about their actions in their own time and way. This is a long road and while saving the M is the ultimate goal, it is not the only goal or even the primary goal. The primary goal is healing ourselves and becoming better people. So in the event that the M is restored, we are able to deal with the next phase of this, which is our MLCers healing time, because that it harder than our own and they will need us to be the strong ones yet again…
ST I would ask—
Please continue to support Destiny, in HER faith, in HER growth, in HER healing…
But please do not pass judgment, when you do NOT have all of the facts and haven’t taken the time to get them…
DU,
You are on the right path sweetie. We are all behind you and I apologize for stepping on any toes…
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
