I appreciate you saying that, Flo. Honestly, most of this was my own doing. Lupus is a crap card to be dealt but it is what it is. I allowed my anxiety to get to the point it did. I have excellent health insurance and access to any kind of dr. I want to see. But no, I was sure I had it all under control. In fact, I was so sure I knew best I tried to hide it from everybody. I was very, very foolish and honestly, I could have died with the state my Lupus was rapidly reaching due to my anxiety. I openly admit I was a dumb ass for allowing it to go on as long as I did. But I got really stuck and somehow told myself that I was handling it. I was, just in the most destructive and unhealthy way you could dream of.
I admit my H leaving me and finding about his affair and the legal BS I went through was horrifying and it still rips me apart BUT I allowed it to place me on a very dangerous and life threatening path. That was all me. I am not proud of it but I am not ashamed either.
