flowmom | need to commit to myself

[rr22]

Maybe you can have your old IC threaten to fistfight you if you procrastinate. LOL

[flowmom]

I guess I am just wondering why not just do what you need to do instead of spending so much time reading about procrastination?

Everyone procrastinates from time to time, but a true procrastinator feels incapable of "just doing it". It's been a lifelong issue for me.

Are there very specific things you procrastinate with (ex. housework) or is it in all areas of your life.

Areas of life associated with work and duty. That's all . I do get things done, but the process can be agony at times.

I am just wondering if the treatment would be sort of like anxiety.

Anxiety is only one of the causes of procrastination, but it is a cause.

LOL rr!

[CityGirl]

I wasn't trying to say your reason for procrastination is anxiety. I was wondering if the treatment would be the same. If your procrastination is that bad and a lifelong issue it might be sort of like the problem I had. The only way to address it immediately is to face it head on then figure out the particulars once you are "in treatment". Like, I could talk all day about why I had anxiety but that wasn't going to stop my heart from racing, it wasn't going to help my breathing or my rapid weight loss or hair from falling out. I needed more than talking to get started.

I know my issue became medical and yours has not. I just wonder if facing it head on then figuring it all out would help.

It is a great personal victory when you overcome something that is damn hard. I found the first step to be the WORST. I actually didn't take the first step. My mom essentially came over and dragged me to the dr and it was one of the top 10 worst days of my life but I didn't care. I needed somebody to have a plan. I thought perhaps, while the problems are different, you might feel the same way I did.

[flowmom]

CG, if you are suggesting asking for a medical doctor's input, then yes I am open to that idea. But first I'm going to give the ADs some time to kick in and see if that helps at all. Not assuming they will, but it's a possibility.

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I have a lot of respect for what you've had to overcome.

[K4D]

Hi cg,

I hope you are doing well.

Kevin

[CityGirl]

No, I am not suggesting you ask a medical dr. for help.

All I was suggesting was perhaps, like me, you just have to jump in and do what you don't want to do (not procrastinate) to get started THEN figure out why you have this problem.

We all develop unhealthy coping mechanisms during times of stress or when we have a problem. For example, when I had my breakdown I would spend 12-15 hours a day pacing around my apartment trying to catch my breath. Obviously that sounds nuts and it is nuts but at the time it seemed like a perfectly good way (in my skewed mind) to deal with it. I learned to cope with my problem but it was in the most unhealthy fashion one could imagine.

You are reading about procrastination which is a coping mechanism (unhealthy) in dealing with it. Clearly there is an reason why that you don't yet know or fully understand. I get that. I simply was suggesting sometimes when things are *that* bad the only way out is to start (very uncomfortable, scary, horrible feeling) THEN tackle the brass tacks of it all.

My problem was emotional/medical and also spun my Lupus out of control. I am not saying you have a medical problem. I am just saying that I get feeling like you just can't do something and not really sure what to do other than think about it or develop an unhealthy way to deal with it.

[CityGirl]

I appreciate you saying that, Flo. Honestly, most of this was my own doing. Lupus is a crap card to be dealt but it is what it is. I allowed my anxiety to get to the point it did. I have excellent health insurance and access to any kind of dr. I want to see. But no, I was sure I had it all under control. In fact, I was so sure I knew best I tried to hide it from everybody. I was very, very foolish and honestly, I could have died with the state my Lupus was rapidly reaching due to my anxiety. I openly admit I was a dumb ass for allowing it to go on as long as I did. But I got really stuck and somehow told myself that I was handling it. I was, just in the most destructive and unhealthy way you could dream of.

I admit my H leaving me and finding about his affair and the legal BS I went through was horrifying and it still rips me apart BUT I allowed it to place me on a very dangerous and life threatening path. That was all me. I am not proud of it but I am not ashamed either.

[rr22]

CG:
You are reading about procrastination which is a coping mechanism (unhealthy) in dealing with it.


Interesting point. Intellectualization/the guise of "figuring it out" is an unhealthy coping mechanism like pacing around an apartment trying to catch your breath? Jump in icy water of the hated task for 15 minutes instead. Or at least THINK about what you could do with the 45 minutes you would devote to "figuring out" the problem?

A 2X4 or a deep truth here? Dunno.

[CityGirl]

Oh goodness, no! I wasn't 2x4'ing at all.

If your heart stopped all of a sudden the main goal would be to get your heart started again THEN figure out what sort of sickness you have that made your heart stop, right?

All I was trying to say is sometimes we *think* we are handling things in the right way or what seems to be a right/reasonable way at the time but in reality it is not. I know this better than anybody.

IMO AD's, C'ing and understanding will help Flo a great deal with this issue but all of those things are long term and right now, maybe (or maybe not) the most effective short term therapy would be just do it, even if for 10 min. per day. It will suck and feel horrible but it's a small start to assist with the long term structured therapies.

I might be all wrong. I was only suggesting it because I know when things are *that* bad something has to give and sadly, the individual in crises is sometimes the last to see how unhealthy they are dealing with it.

I am no poster child for the healthy way, lol! But I have learned (still learning)!

[CityGirl]

I also wanted to say I am not claiming any of this is simple or easy. It is not. Even if the problems are different there is not one single thing easy or simple about it.

I have a photo of me on my "alt" page that is me at my worse. So much of my hair is gone, my skin is all yellow and gross, I look bony and unhealthy. I keep it there to remind myself that from here on out I have a choice on what to do when my anxiety creeps back in. Because I never want to be that picture again.

I know many here think I am a first class b*tch and that is fine. Sometimes when you have to crawl back from what is your own personal hell you get strong in a new way. I am actually kind of nice AND I want us ALL to feel well.