We never know what tomorrow brings or what will be said to turn things around. Your H loves his sons and he loves you, but he has started down a path that he doesn't know how to turn it around. All you can do is allow him to complete his journey, while protecting you and the boys. Stay firm but compassionate.
Hi G, thanks again for the support. H just picked up our sons and it was okay. I said Happy Bday and gave him a hug. I was a little sad as it is the first time in 22 years that I havent celebrated his birthday with my H. It would have been lovely if he had invited me along - but I knew he wouldnt.
I have a question for other LBS, does your WAS look different to you? Everytime I see my H he looks different, physically. I cant describe it but he just looks different somehow. This is someone I have been with for 22 years and I look at him and everytime it is as if I am looking at a new person. Perhaps this is because I only see him every 2 weeks.
Me 37 years young!! S11 S7 T22 M14 D final 13.05.2010 Today is the first day of the rest of my life!!! First post: D Day has arrived
Same feeling her too. W doesn't appear to be taking care of herself as well as she used to. Gain weight and looks very stressed. I consider that strange since she wanted all that has occured.
W's attorney faxed me D papers Monday. That hurt, didn't think we would get this far. The strange thing is we have not had one conversation bout our M. I would think after 32 years, I would deserve at least a why, lie or not.
Oh G, I am so sorry. That is really horrible. My H at least had the courtesy to let me know that the papers were coming. However prepared you are, it stills hurts like mad and makes it so real. I am sure that nothing I say will make it better, just know that you are not alone and I really do understand.
As for WHY, maybe she cant put it into words. I know that if anyone had to ask me I couldnt give them a one sentence answer. It does seem mean though that she hasnt even discussed it with you and given you a valid reason for wanting to end your M.
All I can give you is the advise you have given me. Have faith and stay strong.
Me 37 years young!! S11 S7 T22 M14 D final 13.05.2010 Today is the first day of the rest of my life!!! First post: D Day has arrived
Hi G, I know that you keep saying you have a feeling that my stitch will turn around but I think you may be wrong. I dont know why, but my D is about 7/8 weeks away and I am sure that this is what my H wants.
I dont want a D - you know that- but I think it is time for me to move on. I need to stop torturing myself that things will work out. I am not sure how to deal with it but I know that I will.
Take care of yourself.
Me 37 years young!! S11 S7 T22 M14 D final 13.05.2010 Today is the first day of the rest of my life!!! First post: D Day has arrived
I have a question for other LBS, does your WAS look different to you? Everytime I see my H he looks different, physically. I cant describe it but he just looks different somehow. This is someone I have been with for 22 years and I look at him and everytime it is as if I am looking at a new person.
I've been asking myself this same question! YES my H does look different to me and I've been with him for 22 years too. It is really sad!
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
Lea, I think you should look at your M like I see mines. I know that things are going to turn around just don't when anymore. The question is will we want them back then. Their new R are founded on lies, sins, and betrayal. Not good ground for a relationship to be built on. Your H is as stubborn as my W, they both know they have screwed up but wanna see this to the end. I think my W doesn't wanna face me because she knows she has no reason for Ding me other than her adultery. I am so at peace Lea, I sleep like a baby every night. I know I have done all I can do to save my M. I have total peace about that. If you have done all you can, then rest in that. You will come out of this on top.
Lea, I think it's good to accept what D means. Yes, some reconcile after D, but it's not something that I will count on. hugs to you.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
So I gave the cheque to my L today for the court order for my H to disclose his income and it felt horrible. I really didnt want it to come to this. My H is going to be mad!!! One of the reasons he stated for Ding me, is that I have taken him for granted financially over the years and now I am asking him to disclose his income. I feel now there is no turning back.
Unfortunately I have had no choice. Before any settlement can be made, we have to be aware of his income as I am entitled to some of it. I have asked twice via 2 emails and a letter from my L and he has declined every time. He says I dont need to know and he will only tell me at the end of the settlement has been made. (I am not sure what the point is of this).
My H hates being told what to do and rules, so I guess this could be a reason why he has declined. Alternatively he is hiding money - although I have my doubts about this.
My L has advised that I have no other choice. She can not proceed any further without this info. Basically my salary is irrelevant as I am claiming maintenance from him.
If after the court order he does not comply we will be going to court, something that we both dont want.
He is still insisting on mediation and I have not him I am not comfortable with this. Anyway he would have to disclose his income in mediation sessions.
Someone once told me there is no such thing as an amicable D. At first I thought we might be the first couple to prove this wrong, however I am sorry to say that this is a fact. Unless of course, one of you is willing to just accept what the other offers and there is no OW.
It is all so sad that after a lifetime together we have come to this. I cant even sit at a table with him and talk to him, however I am not prepared to negotiate the end of my family. If he wants this D then he has to work for it - I will not be giving it to him on a platter.
Me 37 years young!! S11 S7 T22 M14 D final 13.05.2010 Today is the first day of the rest of my life!!! First post: D Day has arrived
Lea, he should have to work for D. The process is the process, he could provide information without going through all this trouble but he chose this path not you. Every time you show your strength, doesn't mean he sees it as a negative. It's a 180 for you and even though he gets angry, it's attractive to him.
Your marriage is not over until the ink is dry from the judge's signature. You are not there yet, so remain faithful. It's hard, I know, if it was easy, our divorce rate throughout this world would not be so high. You have done all you can to prevent this from happening, you love your H more than OW ever will, the problem is because of his A fog, he can't see that. Offer no visible evidence to him that you are trying to stop D. Let go of the rope and have faith. I join my faith and prayers with you that this D train can be stopped.
