I have a little different situation. My W has PTSD from childhood sexual abuse. She already thinks I abandoned her when I left. If I go completely dark our marriage is over. She's not playing games and is not manipulitive so I draw my boundaries at just being friendly. Like "have a great day!" Positive mental attitude stuff. I don't engage her in R talk unless she brings it up. Sometimes she does. And I just listen. It is a different approach then most of what you see in the other post areas. I'm posting over in MLC. It is similar to your H because she is really in crisis, not well emotionally psychologically and so they really don't know wht their doing. When you come to that realization it's easier to step away.
It is really what I said earlier detaching with love. My sister is in MLC. She just left her husband- a great guy, she has two kids 5 and 7 and she's lost her mind. Say she's in love with OM. She gave some insight into what's going in her head. The main thing was you can't completely go dark on an MLC'er-unless it's to save yourself. They look at it as manipulative like your forcing them to do something and that's what their running from anyway.
You got to be a soft place for them to land. So don't argue. Don't pursue. Just be happy. That's where I am for now. When I text her I don't wait for a reply. It's just a shout into the void sometimes. You have to be the stronger person and not let them drag you under.
Over the past week I have really accepted this finally and am starting to detach. I am also not involved in her drama. I don't talk to her about that. In the beginning she would call me with this or that-depressed, crying. Until I sent her an email basically telling her that I love her and that I will wait until she figures this out but I can't be a part of it any longer until she commits to dealing with her problems and our marriage. In that respect we have the same situation.
I went to my 2nd IC yesterday. That's going well.
And my GAL- I decided I am going to learn to ride a horse! I rode on monday and fell off and busted my ass. WTF? Is that crazy! I've got another lesson tomorrow.
Italian is next.
I am not running from the heartache this time I am taking it straight on.
You can't let this take over your life and your soul. I think MC timing is not right but if you go with the chance he'll realize that he needs help it might be worth it. He's not there right now so don't expect much until he really gets some help. You'll be going down the rabbit hole with him.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
