Here's what I sent to her; to the point, short and a bit mysterious/vague when it comes to my "plans" etc:
I'm not as rigid as you want to believe. I had even suggested a combination trip so we could've visited my sister too.
Camping wise I didn't think I had DD this Fir/Sat so I already made some plans for myself. I'll take her some place fun on Sun though.
I really can't leave any earlier, I already get in later now and there's just a lot of new responsibilities. At the same time I realize her days are even longer than mine but she likes her school and friends.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Glad to read that you curtailed the 2 week trip. I agree that's a bit long. And keep creating those special memories with D6.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
You two "appear" to be doing okay w/the co-parenting w/a few tweaks here and there. You do know, this is mostly because you are doing a great job keeping her needs at the forefront, RIGHT? Congrats and great job as a dad.
Dry as a potato chip? Ugly? LOL
Put up a pic in the alt, and we'll have something to shoot darts at then! A date off of a calendar! LOL I like!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
no no no!!! I know your being funny, but you don't want that. do not play up any evilness that you may have! cause we are all evil, but we want to speak positively of ourselves.
still have to read pages 14 and 15, so maybe mindful stopped you before you sent it! ???
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
What she's talking about her mom is when the last time we were separated her mom was pretty nasty to me. Her and I had never had ANY issues before, I was surprised how all of a sudden she became so nasty.
this is totally expected. usually the first person a W goes to is her mom...or so I've experienced with myself and friends. So she was venting to her a lot, and only seeing her side, so automatically the mom is trying to protect her cub. unfortunately she doesn't get to hear your side.
Quote:
I'm not as rigid as you want to believe. I had even suggested a combination trip so we could've visited my sister too.
Camping wise I didn't think I had DD this Fir/Sat so I already made some plans for myself. I'll take her some place fun on Sun though.
I really can't leave any earlier, I already get in later now and there's just a lot of new responsibilities. At the same time I realize her days are even longer than mine but she likes her school and friends.
okay, what I read here is defensiveness, mostly in the first sentence. and your mention of not being able to date, and being ugly, this is showing me a lack of confidence, and lack of worth. I feel you took her email too personally and as an attack or something. I'm not sure what, or if she will write back to this one.
your middle sentence was good though. I think the last one, instead of giving excuses, just say, that would be great, but unfortunately I can't leave earlier, is there something else we can work out?
as for the gifts, you had mentioned all the things you bought her, so I assumed you must of had that figured out, or hoped you had. what about the words of affirmation, her next one which was almost the same.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
oh, and cool to see you've moved to a much warmer place. or is it?
I've lived here 6, 7, years maybe? originally from wichita ks. but I like it here, living in broken arrow, a suburb of tulsa, so it's nice to be out kinda in the country, but yet so close to a bigger city.
when did you move west?
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
The first sentence about me not being as rigid was in fact a bit defensive but she always says things in such a way as if I had something to do with things not working out. Her comment to me implied that even if we wanted to take a vacation I wouldn't go. Yet I'd mentioned to her in the past that we could. It was her that dropped the ball and didn't want to move forward. Like she does with everything else.
As for picking DD up early I wanted her to know that it's not as easy for me as it is for her. I really am not whining or complaining but she needs to have a bit of a sense of my situation. I commute a 110 miles a day, with DD's school being another 20 miles out of the way that makes it 150 miles a day. So I drop her off the first thing in the morning at 7AM - she's at school when the teachers are just walking in. I feel so guilty about it too. Then I rush to work driving 80+mph for an hr and a half. Then after 8 hrs I rush to her school to pick her up by 5:30pm, then take her to the park etc, then fix something to eat, then play with her, help her with the homework, then clean up, do the dishes, clean the cat litter, throw in a load of laundry if needed, answer to work emails or take phone calls (I work in IT), get her ready for bed. By 9pm I'm literraly exhausted. I haven't really said anything about this to anyone until now and I don't plan to tell her any of it but she needs to be a little more sensitive. I do realize that she was just relaying what DD asked her, it's not like she's telling me to pick DD up early.
I really appreciate your guys input, it keeps me sane and helps me to not backslide.
As for me having a lack of self confidence, to an extent it's true. I'm not the most confident guy out there, I couldn't strike up a conversation like that with random guys let alone girls. I never know what to say. As for me being ugly and stuff I was really just joking with mind about that.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Journaling... DD was quite sensitive yesterday. She's coughing and was wearing a very light dress when I picked her up and was probably cold. It's one of those things that STBXW and I argued about. I always want her to be dressed appropriately for the weather and W just hated me saying DD needs a jacket, or tights or a t-shirt under her summer dress etc. I agree, I don't like saying it but I'm anal and I care too much about DD.
Anyway, she wanted me to take her to Chick-Fila so she could play in the play area but when we got there she was just walking around and not playing. I asked her to and she wouldn't saying she doesn't want to. sigh...that was out of the way too. Then we got home and she was just not listening to me at all saying 'NO!' to everything. She does that with her mom and I usually had to step in for her to listen. So without being too harsh I told her to be nice and she'd start crying saying she wanted mommy. So I'd calm her down and then over something else she'd start making a pouty face. I made some soup for dinner and she said she didn't like it - I had her eat a small serving of it anyway then made her some chicken nuggets. Cut up some apples and PB for dessert (she has to have dessert). She was better by now but still not entirely herself. Then it was time for her to get ready for bed. Read her a two story books as usual, brought my blanket over, laid down next to her bed on the floor and talked for a while and went to sleep. The hard floor wakes me up several times but it's much easier being there than getting called by DD 4 or 5 times through out the night.
Got up at 5:30AM, took her to school and now at work...
ST, I lived there wow like 12 years ago, maybe longer. My brother went to OU/Norman. I only lived there for 6mos before moving back.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
wow, you have a loooooong day, SR. When do you find or make time for yourself and GAL? What kinds of things do you do besides riding your bike? What a lousy commute. What's your and W schedule with D?
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
The first sentence about me not being as rigid was in fact a bit defensive but she always says things in such a way as if I had something to do with things not working out. Her comment to me implied that even if we wanted to take a vacation I wouldn't go. Yet I'd mentioned to her in the past that we could. It was her that dropped the ball and didn't want to move forward. Like she does with everything else.
actually, IMHO, that's not what she meant. I think she was saying, you wouldn't want to go where she is going. also, not to be hard on you, but I think she was also thinking she wasn't wanting to go on a vaca with you and a lot of people will use that phrase as a scapegoat. and that is only because of where she is right now, mentally, with herself and the M. so do NOT take that personally. she is not in the M right now and you can't expect her to feel what she should be feeling as a W.
also, we cannot assume what people are implying. you really don't know exactly what she is thinking, so don't put words in her mouth, no matter how well you know her. always speak positively and confidently, not defensively
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I know your being funny, but you don't want that. do not play up any evilness that you may have! cause we are all evil, but we want to speak positively of ourselves.