A lot has happened since the conversation a couple of weekends ago. She actually agreed to a MC session last week when I told her that I was scheduling one and that she was welcome to attend if she wanted. She sent me a email saying she was nervous about it and that I may need to "prep" her. I just told her that it would be a neutral environment and to just be honest. There was a form with a bunch of questions about how we feel about our spouse that we were both supposed to fill out and send prior to the session and she did not bother to do this. The counselor spoke to us both individually and then brought us back together to see if she was on board with a plan to move forward with trying to improve the M. W was just shut down at this point and could barely utter the word "no" when asked if she could start to work on the R. During my individual session, the only thing the counselor let on about their discussion was that she was definitely in a fog. Left this session feeling much more like giving up but my W keeps doing things that confuse me to no end.
It the talk the previous weekend, she told me that she was shutdown and that she had again been thinking of moving out. The day after counseling, she told me she was going to hang out with a friend and she called later and asked if I wanted to meet them out for dinner. I met them out and we had a nice dinner and I mostly listened to her and her friend vent about work (they both were in a frustrating meeting at work). As we were leaving to go to our cars, I just told her that I will see you at home and walked off to my car.
The next day, I woke up in and just really did not want to be around her (emotionally drained!). She picked up on this and got really upset saying that she can't stand it when I am like that and said "tell me how much money you need to keep things going with the house and I will move out". She then brought up how she was upset that I had just walked off from her the previous night and didn't linger a bit to talk to her after her friend went to her car. She won't break it off with OM, refuses to commit to work on M but gets upset when I show a lack of interest in her. Hmmm....
Later that day, she is talking about how we should redo some shrubs in our yard and that she might buy a fountain or something I still see some evidence of actions leading to her moving out but today she invited me to do some things with her that are more long term in nature (trip in a couple of months, and a long term hobby activity that won't be complete for 8 months)
I need to stop trying to make any sense of this although I sometimes wonder if OM is waffling and keeping her in limbo as well! I have always assumed he is single but starting to wonder if I should do US SEARCH and see if he is married. If he is married, that is one exposure that I would not hesitate to do. I just feel that after a year of EA/PA, why would she not have left to be with him. Arrgggh...MUST DETACH....SO FRUSTRATED!! Eight months post bomb and here I still sit in limbo. I can definitely see myself moving off of the Bo-Peep track and on to the "Ghandi Approach" track very soon.
On a more positive note, I had to give a major presentation to senior management at work this week and totally kicked butt so at least I am starting to feel my career mojo finally starting to come back! My therapist keeps telling me that I have to invest in myself so I keep thinking that I am going to re-dedicate myself to work and finishing my graduate degree. Plus cycling season is upon me and I will get to start riding many miles in the sun and getting to socialize a lot more than I do now. I am so glad spring is here!!
I still see some evidence of actions leading to her moving out but today she invited me to do some things with her that are more long term in nature (trip in a couple of months, and a long term hobby activity that won't be complete for 8 months) 
