Stop counting and start setting boundaries. WFT is he 14 or 41.
His actions the other night. And his actions tonight.
YOU SHOULD NOT STAND FOR THIS. Set your boundary. And do not back down. If he keeps it up. Kick is butt to the curb.
Luv,
what CB said above.
I bet if one of your teens was out late, not telling you where they were , you would be setting some boundaries with some steep consequences for them. Why does H get away with it?
"You are expected to be home after work, and participate in this family. I am NOT a single mom, YET. If you are not going to come home after work, and participate in the family, you will no longer be welcome here."
That's a start... Let others chime in w/their experience! I don't have any!
HUGS FRIEND
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
The new ones I'm gonna try are meeting new people - going out with guys - creating platonic male friendships.
the first half of this is great! but the second...not. unless your getting in a group of people with guys and girls. even if you wanted a D, I would still suggest the same thing. You aren't anywhere close to being alone with another guy. you are way too vulnerable and things could easily happen, and you need to save YOU first before anything like that takes place.
also, on the boundary...IMHO, yes, your H could easily be having an A...I think you already felt it was an EA, and you already know ultimatums don't work.
are you prepared to kick him out if he doesn't follow the boundary you will set? that is the first question. Because you can make diff consequences for different boundaries.
IMHO, if he's in an A, then this is the behavior you should expect. However, if you would like to create this boundary, You could say at the most opportune moment in time,
"H, is this a good time to ask some questions?" sure- "I wanted to know what you felt was a considerate and appropriate time to come home every night as a father and husband."
depending on answer, if he says something appropriate that you like, you can say, "I agree, do you think you could do that for us from now on?"
if he doesn't say something appropriate, you say "I see. I wanted to know because I feel I am being taken advantage of and I need you to show more respect to the family by coming home at a decent time or at least let us know what is going on. Is that something you can do?"
"If that is something you cannot do, then you probably/will need to work out new living arrangements for yourself"
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I’ve been following your thread. You’re doing so well with your 3 things. I’m going to start incorporating that into my day. Thanks for being a good role model. (Thanks gnosis also)
It’s hurtful to hear the things they say, but if it gives you any hope, my DH said them and didn’t even remember saying them when he came back to being who he was. When the EA ended and we spoke about it he had forgotten all of the things he had said/done entirely, like he really was possessed.
