As far as what you do, what I did during my H's EA was lovingly detach. I was kind, cheerful, happy, interesting, pretty - always made up and looking good, never asking what was going on, but making it clear that I knew and was no idiot. It was really interesting (looking back) that I could confront him with something very, very obvious and he'd say he was innocent. Sort of like a child getting caught in a lie. It wasn't until I was next to him and she was on his cell phone (with volume turned up way too loud, of course) and said ILY that he finally "admitted" it and came clean.Boy did he look like a cat with the canary in his mouth. It wasn't like I hadn't mentioned her by name before, etc. etc. They'll do anything - including convince themselves that they are getting away with it - to keep it from you. No need to confront until and unless you have clear cut evidence. I did and it didn't help me. I didn't have phone recordings, but I did have voice mails I copied from his work phone, presents she bought the "family" and love notes, not to mention jewelry purchases.
