Too Late For Us?

[mrbt]

Shock, I have heard a version of that before. . .

"Divorce turns a marriage into a business transaction."

Its very true and it sucks! Especially when you still love the person you are now transacting with.

[mrbt]

Just thinking aloud here. As close to divorce as I am, its hard not to just toss all the DB rules out the window. And I guess that's what I have done. I am not discussing, begging, pleading, and pursuing (okay, maybe inviting her over for a glass of wine is pursuing). I am being pleasant and available. I feel I don't have much to lose at this point and don't feel like playing the game. Maybe a mistake but I am freaking' tired.

I signed the divorce papers last week; she has not signed yet. I don't know if this means anything. Maybe she is just waiting until its convenient for her. Right now I am just taking it a day at a time. I am prepared for the worse but hoping for the best.

[Number 8]

mrbt, is she the type of person who would wait until it was convenient to her? Or did you call her bluff?

I know what you mean about being tired. I have many moments where my H exhausts me. How can I be so intensely frustrated with someone I love so very much???

[mrbt]

I don't think it was a bluff and she might hold off until she has a clear path in place. I think that the fact that I was holding on so tight intensified her desire to get away. Had I understood this early on ( June '09 ), things may have been different. I recently read a book called Love Must Be Tough (similar idea to DR) and it talked about how WAS feels trapped because of the reactions of the panic-stricken (me). The author talks about the need to "open the cage door" and I guess I have done this by signing the papers. I really had little choice. Maybe my sudden lack of resistance will change the dynamics. She did make comment recently about being "afraid to leave the nest."

[lolawar]

You need to get yourself together either way...if she is bluffing..you want her to come back to someone that is healthy and ready to rebuild. If she is gone..you need to be strong to carry on. I know it is difficult..but you really really really need to detach from her. No wine..no coffee..no talks..no nothing. You truly have nothing to lose here.

From reading through your post...I am not sure you ever went dark..not judging because it is NOT easy. Now to the present- muster up every ounce of courage you can muster up..and go dark. She doesn't realize what she will be losing because she really hasn't lost it yet..IMO.

[Number 8]

I actually purchased that book not too long ago, but I haven't had a chance to dig into it. I like the "open the cage door" part. Maybe she's still stunned that you actually signed the papers, but you would know that better than I.

Very interesting comment about being afraid to leave the nest. What do you make of that?

[Number 8]

Hello, mrbt! Thanks for checking in on me on my thread. Now I'm checking in on you. I hope things are going well!

[mrbt]

Thanks 8. Nothing much has changed here. Just waiting. Wife has not signed the divorce papers yet (as far as I know).

[mrbt]

I just learned that a court date for our divorce has been scheduled for 8:30AM tomorrow (had to look it up on the internet). WTF! Shouldn't I have been notified? Not that it matters but WTF? Apparently I am not invited.

[ShockedOne]

Well, I guess it is good you found out. That would piss me off. Good luck mrbt.