RW, sorry if I missed this in your previous posts....
What are your needs? Can you list them out here?
Is it possible that he is "talking" to you in his LL instead of yours?
Very possibly.
A few months ago I asked him to do the LL quiz on line so we could discuss our LL. He said he started and "got frustrated" and quit. We really haven't talked about LL since. I think I brought that up too soon into piecing.
I am almost positive, from knowing H for over twenty years, that his primary LL is physical touch. I have been making a real effort to meet this need for him more than ever. We cuddle, hug, and ML more than we ever have. For some reason he has resistance to kissing.... but that is an issue for another day because it is a big issue to me that will have to be resolved at some point.
Anyway, he does reach out to me this way.
My primary LL is WOA. He is not very good at that, and never has been. Which is why I keep seeking reassurance... verbally. But always have to seek it. He doesn't offer it easily or initiate it on his own. Since the A, he has real trouble with ILY. I haven't pushed it, because I know he is just being honest. But, I need to hear that at some point.
My secondary LL is QT, which I think is also H's. We have been spending lots of time together, which we both need. I think we need to do more fun things though.
So, what are my needs?
- verbal (or written)reassurances of love and commitment, initiated by H - an effort made to do special things for me - take me somewhere, bring me home a little treat etc. - compliments (not just appearance but about me, as a person, as a wife, as a mom) -more efforts at communication -initiated by him - more emails (he told me he doesn't want to do that with me even though that was a primary form of communication with OW), texting (also another big thing with OW), etc.
That's all I got for now.... I have communicated these things to H, he pretty much says he doesn't have it in him to make those efforts right now... he is doing what he can.
