Is LRT applicable here?

[pearlharbr]

I'm sure she would apply a lot of her own negative adjectives to me. Maybe I'm a codependent and I am addicted to helping. I need to be needed. I can fix almost anything, maybe I think I can fix this, too.

That's a good start. Work on detachment and understanding that you are responsible for your own happiness, not your W. Realize that you can't fix someone else. You can fix things but you can't fix other people. Those issues are hers and she is the only one who can address them.

She would say in WAS-speak, she has felt alone for years. I don't talk to her. When she is on the road and calls to check in, I don't want to talk to her. When she gets home, it is like I don't care if she is there or not. I've said some snarky remarks to reinforce that "it not mattering if she is there or not". And that I won't support her in her social events.

Ok, now I understand her pov. She feels alone in her M because her H, the person she is supposed to share her life with, doesn't want to share her life. She works hard to excel in her career but he doesn't support her in it. She tries to stay in touch and communicate while she's on the road but he doesn't talk. She comes home, tired from traveling, and he doesn't want to spend time with her. He's more concerned about doing chores than spending quality time with her. She wants to have sex and he avoids it by putzing around the house until she goes to sleep. She wants to socialize with her coworkers, the people she spends a lot of time with and who like and respect her, for business and/or personal reasons but he refuses. Perhaps she thinks he's embarrassed to be seen with her in public because he's obviously unhappy with her weight gain. So she comforts herself by eating more even though she knows it's not helping things in the long run. He only wants to spend time with her if it's doing something he wants to do. He fills all his spare time with hobbies she has absolutely no interest in. She has resigned herself to living separate lives when she meets a man who thinks she's attractive, fun, and wants to be with her...

I think I'd choose OM too if that's how she sees her life.

We're all here because we didn't pay enough attention to our Rs. So yes, her mother was right. But I think that applies to you as well. (And I get upset when my mother tells me how to live my life too.)

You need to work on your communication skills because it's going to continue to cause problems in your Rs, either with W or the next one. I speak from experience because BF and I didn't communicate either and that's what got us into our mess.